


ingrained

by mooncloud93



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Drama, Eventual Romance, F/F, High School, Multi, Polyamory, Teenage Drama, dahyun and eunwoo is kinda slight, well you'll see
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-21
Updated: 2019-04-20
Packaged: 2019-10-14 00:49:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 37,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17498501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mooncloud93/pseuds/mooncloud93
Summary: Momo, Sana, and Dahyun are best friends trying to survive life and high school but they learn that just the three of them are enough.Or: Momo, Sana, and Dahyun love each other so much and they are pretty much dating each other but things are so complicated and they learn it the hard way





	1. Momo

**Author's Note:**

> I was inspired by Netflix's Sex Education. What I wrote was far from the series' story though, so no worries if you haven't seen that.

Dahyun stared at the mirror, focusing on the croissant-shaped hair bundle at the top of her head. She sighed, looking at how ridiculous it is atop her head. It’s the third hair style she’s done and it’s not even the start of her day yet. She’s tapping her foot now, hands on her waist, and it just added to the amount of anxiousness she’s feeling since yesterday. It’s a Monday and also their first day of school. _Not a very desirable combo,_ she thought. She’d been very nervous the whole weekend, checking her books and school supplies in her backpack every time she had free time. She didn’t do that now, since she’s afraid she might forget something. But now she focuses her nervousness to the hair she’s now tying to the one side, then to the opposite side, and it’s now the fifth hair style she’s tried and she just wants cry all of a sudden. 

While she gives up on what to do with her hair (but still very much giving it an aggressive comb), she hears Kim Chang Wan’s faint straining voice singing _Don’t go don’t go eh~ Don’t go don’t go ah~_ accompanied with what should be an inappropriate volume of guitar and drums in an otherwise quiet, early morning in their neighborhood. Dahyun should be embarrassed and should rush to where the loud music is coming from but she just smiled. All the feelings of nervousness and anxiousness are just feelings of a long time ago. She combed her hair some more, took a last look at herself in the mirror, and smiled once again scrunching her face and making her eyes turn into crescents. Her day is now about to start, and a new school year is about to start, and now she is just feeling excited.

Dahyun rushed down to the stairs, and went straight to the kitchen where her mom is making an incredible amount of sandwiches. As she took out a huge, plastic lunchbox she could hear the start-up drums signaling the start of Rick Astley’s Never Gonna Give You Up. She managed a small laugh and a _pfft_ as she quickly put the finished sandwiches in the container, and impatiently asked her mom where the thermos is. She cannot be here preparing breakfast while her friends are outside jamming to Rick Astley without her. She’d been excited to share the 80s playlist she made for them to listen to when they go to school, and as a meme and 80s song connoisseur, she can’t be missing the sing-never-gonna-give-you-up-till-your-throat-hurts session that should be happening with her and her friends right now. She poured all the coffee out of the coffee maker’s decanter into the thermos, and rushed to the door all while shouting a “good bye” and “see you later” to her mom.

She rushed all the way to their yard and into Momo’s car whilst trying to sing what little English lyrics she could muster and right when she settled on her seat at the back of the car and closed the door, they sang and they shouted “Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down”, and it should be extremely embarrassing because it was still quiet in the neighborhood but she was inside the car with her best friends while Momo pushed the pedal, and it made her feel like her worries turned to smoke and was left there as soon as they speed up just like how she saw it in the cartoons.

 

 

As Momo slowly, and carefully drives her way to the traffic, and after a while of belting out session to 80s American and Korean music, she turned down the volume a bit and looked apologetically to Sana’s side as she was really letting it out with Heo Yun Jeong’s I Told You So. She was honestly feeling a bit antsy, and an antsy Momo can’t enjoy a good music properly, and she really does not like it but it affects her driving as well. Seeing as it was a preparation for a story time, Dahyun scooted forward, balanced her arms on the back of the front seats as to make her face and presence known to the two people sitting in the driver and passenger seat. Momo inhaled deep and paused for a moment, as if to compose herself and her thoughts, and while doing so Sana faced to her left as to listen to Momo properly and  encourage her to let it out. When she exhaled for what seem to be quite a long time, she spoke, “I argued with my dad again. And it’s so early in the morning too, and on our first school day on top of that. I really didn’t want to spoil such a good time on our way to school but I don’t want to drive feeling…” Momo finished her sentence with an evident frown of her lips, letting her lower lip protrude. And at that Dahyun took her huge lunchbox out, and the still hot thermos, ready to comfort her Momo unnie with food, which happens to be a really good way of comforting her knowing that she really loves to eat. It’s always automatic to the three of them, having been best friends since their early teens, how they never hesitated to comfort one another. At the same time, the three of them knows that none of them should hesitate when one of them felt a need to take from one another.

Dahyun opened the lunchbox as to prepare herself to feed her unnie (and thanked her mom silently as she saw half of the sandwiches are all meat which her Momo unnie loves), but she listened to the two in front talk for a while, learning that it is the usual argument that’s been going on in the Hirai household for quite some time, but it makes Dahyun’s smirk turn into a sad one because it is still quite disheartening nonetheless.

“Who started it this time?” Sana asked in an impatient manner, and it should annoy Momo but she knows she’s more annoyed on the situation and possibly on Momo’s father more than at Momo herself.

Momo who’s usually into fast driving and complains a lot at a sudden red light, kind of thanked that a traffic light did turned red because she can’t drive properly with something heavy hanging in the air. “I kind of did. But you know how he gets.” Sana nodded both to agree on the statement, and to make Momo continue her story. “He was watching the morning news and I was not sure what it is about but I heard him berating how younger generations are very ungrateful and how lazy they are and how they are self-obsessed and you know like he could’ve just said that we were just all around awful instead of talking and talking.” Momo rolled her eyes remembering how annoying and how degrading it was to hear your own parent talk about you and other people who he does not even know, talk like they will be the cause of the destruction of the planet.

Momo wasn’t always to start a fight she knows won’t end in a pretty way, especially when it comes to her father. She learned time and time again that it’s better to just mute her surroundings when her father starts ruining the household’s peace with his “sermons”. But Momo is just a human too, and humans can only take so much. “So I told him ‘Well if we are so ungrateful, then I, being a representative of the younger generation, thank you father for being part of the generation that used all the resources for themselves that ruined most of the planet, and for ruining the economy making us work for and pay for debts that doesn’t have to do with us in the first place. So if it is gratefulness that’s what you’re waiting for then thank you for your service.’”

Dahyun should not feel like a proud mom right now but she is. She tapped and held Momo’s shoulder in an act to tell her how proud she is, while Momo told them how she went off to her father with facts that Dahyun shared to her in one of their conversations in the past. Dahyun looked for Momo at the rear view mirror and she smiled her proudest smile because even if the fact that Momo isn’t with good terms with her father and it should be the worst thing for any daughter to experience, it shouldn’t be a cause of distress for Momo, when the man who should be setting a good example and protecting his daughters is being downright awful and treating her like she and the whole youth is the worse that happened since WWII.

“He almost hit me though.” Momo looked at Dahyun’s eyes at the rear view mirror trying not to show hurt in her eyes, but Dahyun sees it but it was instantly replaced with anger the moment Dahyun noticed it.  Momo slowed down the moment they crossed the intersection and driving to where she could park the car beside the curb for a while. “Good thing my Mom came through from the kitchen and stopped him.” Momo slumped her shoulder feeling very tired all a sudden. It didn’t help that she’s now realizing the weight of what she said to her father. “I would’ve slammed the door to his face”, Momo smirked but huffed a sighed all of a sudden like she felt defeat. Momo hated the fact that even though her father was being a jerk, she knows she shouldn’t go down his level and give him the satisfaction of proving that Momo is the bad guy in this ridiculous situation her father put them in. Momo didn’t have to dwell on that thought though, because she felt Sana’s hands holding hers and it’s just the right kind of affection that she needed to ground herself and not think of any disruptive thoughts about herself.

Dahyun looked outside the moment the car halted to see where they are, and there was the café that they’d always went to, to get breakfast before they go to school when her mom wasn’t able to cook for them. She closed the lunchbox she’s been holding and checked for the time but it didn’t make her worry since they always went to school early so they could have breakfast together. Plus there are things that should be more pressing right now, like how Momo’s father treated her for years now. Imagine looking up to a person all your life, with how they take care of you and treating you like you are the most precious thing. Only the problem is that they treat you like you are a _thing,_ like they own you. Like they could control all the things that you do, and if somehow you gain a sense of ownership for yourself and you decide things on your own, the protecting and the caring falters and it will be replaced with indifference and loathing.

 

 

 It wasn’t really like that when they first hang out together. They all met when all of their families coincidentally transferred to the same neighborhood all those years ago. Being the new kids in their middle school, naturally the three kids were drawn to each other, despite Dahyun being in the lower grade than Sana and Momo.

Momo’s family was very accepting of both Dahyun and Sana even if they’d known each other for just a short while. They’d sometimes even invite the two to eat dinner with them after playing and singing and dancing for hours in Momo’s room. Dahyun never saw Momo’s parents as strict, especially her father because he even tease and crack jokes with them when they visit. The change in the father-daughter relationship was especially crushing on Momo’s part since she’s really close to her father. It’s not that she’s not close to her mom, it’s just that Momo being the second child, she sees her _oneesan_ being close to their mom more so she naturally was drawn to her father. She even prides herself on how she also naturally got the traits of her father which was to protect and to provide. It was very evident from the start that the Hirai family is a traditional one. The Father is the provider, the Mother cares for the family, and the children provide happiness to the family by obeying them.

But the weight on how very traditional her family is, crashed on her incredibly fast in her last year in middle school, the year she decided that her dream was not to be the best in academics, but to be able to perform to heart’s content.

Momo wasn’t the smartest girl in school but she isn’t the worst either. She might not be at the top of her class but was good in English and Science and almost all of her subjects, so nothing in school, in terms of academics, ever worried her. (Except the fact that Dahyun and Sana might be absent on the same day and Momo will be left alone in school. She hated that thought, despite the countless times Sana and Dahyun assured her that it’s really unlikely to happen.) Since that was the case Momo’s parents were not strict with her and her sister consuming what the current popular fad media has to offer. That included watching Namie Amuro’s live performances -- which gives off strong, energetic dances, and she wonders every time how she can still sing so perfectly after dancing so fast. She also loved watching Kumi Koda’s MVs and how she’s always giving off a confident, sexy vibe when she dances. Momo was so thankful to his dad then because if he hadn’t paid for Japanese cable TV she wouldn’t be able to discover them. But Korean entertainment didn’t go unnoticed by the Hirai sisters. If Momo were to be asked, it’s the Korean Idols, such as Lee Hyori, and BoA – with their colorful and powerful performances, and their interaction with fans through variety shows that really inspired her to perform. It inspired her so much that she started manifesting her passion in school.

It started off as merely being a requirement in school since they have to join club activities but as she consumes entertainment media more and more, and as she starts to see how practicing with her friends and classmates improved her abilities, performing became one of Momo’s priorities. Then it took more and more time from her that eventually, performing is the only thing that she wants to do, and unfortunately it affected her studies. Her grades became not as bad that it concerned her teachers, but her academic performance became mediocre at best. Momo was very thankful to her teachers then, because they did not treat it as a big deal, but instead pushed her to pursue her passion, since performing arts was also one of the big programs in their middle school and high school. It was different with her parents though. Her mother worried but she understood and went around it eventually.

It was a complete opposite with her father though. Her father had big plans with her and her sister, and being a lowly, average employee (her father’s description) that he was, he aspired for his children to be much bigger than what he was. He wanted them to be an engineer, or an architect, or a CEO even, if possible and the only way he sees them achieve that is when they do great in their studies. But hearing the news that her daughter has now planned a pursuit in the arts elicited a mixed of negative feelings inside him, that he started to treat her daughter like she did the biggest disgrace a family could ever experience. All of a sudden Momo’s father turned cold and criticized everything that she does. It didn’t tamper with her spirits though. She even tried to change her father’s perspective, and invited him in one of their monthly performances. But at the mention of anything related to performing resulted to his dad either disregarding her presence -- like she does not exist, or shouting at her words of how disappointed he is, and how she’s an ungrateful child and that she should stop with her nonsense.

Her one decision changed her life with her family and she knew back then that it wouldn’t be the same anymore. It extremely boggled Momo’s brain even up until now at how blinded his father was with his own ambition, but she’s the one that’s got to suffer because of the fact that he didn’t get to dump all that ambition on her. At some point, Momo just gave up on her father. She then just learned how to mute him out of her life, just as how he did when all Momo wanted was support. Momo endured all the hurtful tirade, all the cold treatment, all the tight and strict hold she’s been experiencing from her father, as long as she knows that she’s getting her freedom every time she performs her all on the stage that she craved for the moment she first stood on them. Dancing and performing is her freedom, and in that realization, Momo also found the freedom to love.

As Sana put it, _“Momo is slow, but she’s not stupid.”_ One of the reasons that pushed Momo into pursuing dancing was Sana and Dahyun. They were her biggest supporters and she knows that they don’t miss any of her performances, whether it’s within the school’s premises or the ones outside school where she auditioned for by herself. It was them that she always looked for after her every performance, and their very presence made her feel that none of what she’s doing was wrong. That she is on her path to what she really should be. Every time she starts a new performance, she always feels guilty because that’s what’s being drilled to her brain 24/7 at home. That what she’s doing was wrong. But the moment she saw her friend’s bright faces and loud claps after her performance, she knew in her heart that what she is doing is the right thing. Not only did she crave to perform, but now a huge part of her craved to see her best friend’s faces be filled with love and pride for her. It made her realize that she not only craved for dance, but for her friends as well.

Momo disregarded the feeling as love for her friends. She loves her friends because they are her friends. Since they are incredibly close, it’s only natural to be drawn to their attention. But it hit hard on Momo one day when Momo was assigned her first solo dance performance in their school’s Year-End Showcase, and she was excited because for the first time, she’s got to make her own choreography and also because the spotlight is going to be focused on her. She’s been working hard on her choreography and all she thought after finishing her routine was she wanted to show it first and foremost to Sana and Dahyun. She contacted them right away after she polished her performance and they all met at Sana’s house (Because she has the most spacious room out of the three of them).

After doing all their usual shenanigans, she instructed her two audiences to sit by the end of Sana’s bed, as she placed her CD inside the radio component. As she waited for the music to start, she smiled proudly, albeit a bit awkwardly because she’s never performed to an audience as close as where Sana and Dahyun were sitting right now. It also dawned on her that this is the first time that she’s going to perform for them, _only for the two of them_ (her thoughts suddenly filled with that as she starts with her dance routine).

She can hear Sana and Dahyun’s rhythmic claps at the same beat as the music. She can hear Dahyun’s cheers that is filled with amazement, and Sana’s delightful cheer with comments like “Woooh! So Hot! So Sexy!” and it should sound ridiculous, but she knows it only sounded that way. She knows she should really be eliciting sexiness right now in front of them because her performance was nothing but. Her choreography was heavily influenced by some of Lee Hyori’s performances, and some by BoA’s as well. And she thought the same as Sana’s while watching them and learning from them. She thought how her breath would hitch at that one body roll from the female performers, or how her heart will beat fast and how her breath will turn heavy when one of the Idol’s performance has a provocative move. It also made her feel something at the pit of her stomach when one of the dances she’s learning were full of touching – self-touching and touching from the backup dancers. She didn’t know what is was then so she just dismissed it as her dancing too much or her being tired, or her being hungry.

After her very private performance for Sana and Dahyun, the two immediately stood up and clapped their hands while they went straight away to her to give her their proudest hug. Dahyun insisted on Momo to do the same sexy steps and the body roll again and she did. Sana told her to teach her the body roll and got to her front, guided her hands to her pelvic area, and attempted a body roll. Momo’s face turned so hot and so red, that she pulled her hands off Sana’s a little bit too hard and fanned herself. She dismissed it as her feeling hot because of the dance so she fanned herself again with her hand and fanned herself with the front of her shirt too fast.

She disregarded and dismissed a lot of her feelings back then. But as Sana put it, Momo is slow but not stupid. She knows that if she starts admitting her brand new discovery of who she is, it will pile up into her already messy life. She tried to keep it inside of her, afraid of what new chaos it will create if she let out true herself. But as she slowly realized, just like in dancing, the more you restrain yourself from showing who you are, the more your dancing will likely to fail. If she won’t admit her new self-discovery, even just with herself, she’s sure it will ruin herself from the inside. She’s also realized that if she won’t express her true self, it will for sure affect her future performances. So as she does best in her own performances and choreographies and her own steps, she practiced everyday with herself first, and eventually she will reveal it first and foremost to the two most important people in her entire world.

 _I’m gay. I like girls._ Momo wrote, still feeling a bit scared at admitting that fact even to herself, and now she’s writing a confession to the two of the most important people in her life. She is scared to admit it to them, but a big part of their friendship is trust. She knew that after a huge realization in her life, it’s Sana and Dahyun that she should first go to, to reveal the big news. She’s scared to admit it to them but she trusts them, and she knows they’ll love her and accept her, and if there is someone who will help her realize that being gay is just a small fraction of how amazing of a person she is, she trusts her two favorite people in the whole world to help her prove herself that. She is scared shitless, but a big part of her tells her she shouldn’t be.

And the tight, long hug that’s enveloping her, after her friends read her letter, proved her that there is nothing to worry when it comes to her two best friends. The tight hug proved to her that she will be loved and accepted whoever and whatever gender she might like. The tight hug proved her how lucky she is to have two of the most beautiful people on earth to love and depend to. She relaxed her shoulders, and sighed weakly, and before she knew it, her eyes are now filled with tears. She’d been scared and stressed for weeks about how her coming out will turn out that she’d been suppressing all her thoughts and feelings about herself and now being surrounded by her best friends freed her from the unnecessary negativity.

Sana and Dahyun loosened their hug to look at Momo’s now bawling face. Sana then cupped Momo’s cheek to wipe her tears with her thumb, and kissed her after that. Momo then stopped her loud sobs and looked at Sana, a bit confused at what happened. Sana peppered Momo’s cheeks again and again with kisses and only stopped when Momo looked away toward Dahyun and whispered “Help.” Dahyun looked at Momo and tilted her head to the side with her face on a frown then shook her head. Dahyun then attacked Momo’s other cheek with kisses and now Sana started kissing her again and all Momo could do was clutch at her chest because she could only take so much.

(At that point, Momo learned that family is important, but Sana and Dahyun became her constant. At that point, every time Momo ends her performance, she learned that even if the spotlight shining on her seemed to be so bright it could blind her, nothing beats her best friend’s happy and beautiful faces that shone so bright looking at her, that they seemed to compete not with the hot lights of the spotlight but with the rays of the sun.)

 

 

Momo was now leaning her head to her seat’s headrest while covering eyes with her arm. Her other arm lay on Sana’s lap as their hands intertwined. Dahyun pats Momo’s head, and they stay quiet for a minute or so, touching Momo however they can because sure words can be comforting and reassuring but the three of them learned that affectionate touches weight heavier than any promising words.

After what seemed to be the longest minute though, and although the three of them enjoyed the warmth they all exchanged, Momo straightened herself and turned to look at Dahyun with her sad puppy eyes. “I’m hungry”, she whines, and it’s the cutest thing Dahyun has ever seen (even though she’s seen it countless of times) and it automatically makes Dahyun pout and scratch Momo’s chin. Despite being the oldest of the three of them, doing aegyo seems to fit most to her Momo unnie. She’s thankful that Momo can do aegyo enough for the three of them so she won’t have to since she’s the youngest.

 When she was about to open the lunchbox full of sandwiches again, Sana all of the sudden stole it away from her lap and took an all-meat one and started feeding it to Momo. They are still very much in the middle of comforting the eldest, and it is one of Sana’s way of ~~teasing~~ comforting them. After giving Momo a generous bite of the sandwich, she waited for a moment only to feed Momo more of what’s left of the sandwich. Usually though, she’d very much rather be at the receiving end of the feeding marathon but she doesn’t mind sharing her privilege.

After filling up Momo’s mouth with sandwich and a bit of coffee, Sana took one for herself as she was already feeling hungry herself. It also didn’t help how appetizing Momo looks when she eats, so she took one with the vegetables and cheese in it. She took a big bite whilst giving the container back to Dahyun so she could it, and squealed a little because the sandwich was just so good. She might just be too hungry not eating anything since last night, but she silently thanked Dahyun’s mom and suddenly felt lucky she have Dahyun in her life. After eating the last bit of her sandwich and drinking some coffee, she heaved a contented sigh, and turned herself to look at the backseat for Dahyun.

“Thanks for breakfast Dahyun-ah!” and as soon as she smiled her brightest, she reached for Dahyun’s cheeks to kiss it, and even pulled Dahyun’s head so she can press her lips harder on Dahyun’s soft cheeks. Momo, feeling a whole lot better than earlier, saw the kissing fest right before her eyes just when she was about to drive again. So right after Sana marked Dahyun’s cheek with her lip tint, and even though Dahyun’s face was filled with confusion, Momo also reached for Dahyun’s other cheek and pressed her lips just as hard and Dahyun’s confusion turned into a whine. “Eeeh Unnie! Please just drive we are going to be late!” Dahyun fake whined, because she’s used to the affection, and with Momo driving they are never going to be late.


	2. Sana

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly when I read it, it doesnt make a lot of sense like it's really inconsistent and all but it just makes sense sometimes? idk hahahah it's really a mess i shit you not but welp here we go. haha lol  
> if you do see some inconcsistencies or typos or grammar errors feel free to share it or not depends on u i guess

They arrive at the school parking lot, with little streams of students already making their way inside their school. Some students are already rushing, some taking their sweet time, while some already zombie-ing their way to wherever. There are also groups of students already hanging out with their friends, and some, jocks obviously, are already playing whatever sports they’re supposed to be playing. Some music kids added to the chaos, already practicing an orchestrated piece with their instruments, at least those with ones they can carry. The scene that seemed to suddenly smack Dahyun in the face, made her sink in the backseat of Momo’s car, and made her clutch her lunchbox to her chest.

One of the reasons why Dahyun felt anxious in going to school at the beginning of the school year, despite being a student there since forever, is because of the amount of attention that their group is getting. It shouldn’t be a big deal that they have already arrived in school, but the amount of people already looking their way made it seem that way. She thought she should be used to it by now and be happy with the popularity they’re garnering, since typically it seems to be one of every teenager’s priorities, but with people watching their every move, the pressure catches on to her. She feels like a little slip-up will ruin her and her friend’s reputation, and that’s the last thing she wants. It’s no one’s fault though, really. She reasoned to her anxious self that all the attention they’re getting is none of hers or her friend’s fault. That people are just really wired to focus into other people’s business rather than their own. But her irrational and anxious self, thought otherwise.

Sana went out of the car first. She couldn’t see her whole self in the little mirror provided by the car’s visor, so she needed to utilize the car’s heavily tinted window outside. She fixed her long hair, making sure that it’s neat and that there are not much flyaway. She then flattened her shirt and jacket, fixing what seems to be a wrinkle that isn’t even probably there. While Sana is busying herself in making sure that she looks presentable, Dahyun now noticed that the attention they’re now getting doubled just at the fact that Sana went out of Momo’s car. None of them is at fault really, Dahyun convinces herself. But if in some strange, ridiculous situation that involves life and death, if Dahyun were to be pushed to pick one reason why their group is garnering a lot of attention, Dahyun would pick Sana.

 

Sana will be the obvious choice because the moment you see her, you cannot deny that she has one of the most beautiful faces you’ll ever see. If there is such a thing that rated all the girls in their school in terms of prettiness (and Dahyun thanked God there’s none in her school so far), Dahyun is sure that Sana will be at the top. There is such a thing as social hierarchy though just like with every other school. If you’re extremely beautiful, extremely talented, or extremely rich then you’re pretty much untouchable. Sana was lucky enough to hit the genetic lottery -- being one of the prettiest in school, and with parents that are famous artists, so a lot of the students, especially the boys, praised the ground she’s walked on.

Besides from the fact that Sana is pretty, and is very well sought for since her parents made riches from different kinds of art, it will be a disgrace on Sana’s part if were not to mention how her popularity also came from the fact that she has been working hard in helping people around her. Sana is charming and is more than just her pretty face and her wealthy family background.

 

Since Sana pretty much has the following of almost the entire school, it was pretty natural that Sana gained the power of confidence. It gave her so much confidence that it made her want to join almost every extra-curricular activity that their school has to offer. It started when they were in middle school and Momo and Dahyun were really taken aback then because despite being new, and despite entering the school much later, Sana never looked like she was out of place. Momo and Dahyun were glad because if not for Sana, it would’ve taken them a long while to adjust to their new surroundings.

Sana being involved in a lot of activities meant that Momo and Dahyun would have to tail behind her as well. Momo and Dahyun was anything but supportive, especially when it involves dancing, playing the piano, or anything related to music but anything outside that, they have to step in and use their “best-friend card” and stop her from doing something really ridiculous. They even almost went to an athletic tryout, with Sana enthusiastically insisting, “We should at least try! We wouldn’t be able to fully experience our school life if we don’t try sports!” But Dahyun slammed her down with cold hard facts because she really isn’t the most graceful in any physical activity.

Sana continued with her involvement in almost every activity in school, even though her two best friends think she’s ridiculous sometimes. She once joined the school’s board game competition (She plays really good when the three of them plays), and even won once. She also tried to join the school’s band when they were in middle school, but since she doesn’t play any instruments, she became a majorette instead. In the short amount of time that Sana spent in their middle school, she made sure that she’s not only studying her academics, she also involves herself in whatever activity the school organized. It opened doors not only for Sana, but for her two best friends as well. Sana was probably Momo’s medium in reaching her potential, since she was the one who made them try and audition for the performance club. Dahyun wouldn’t be able to shed her shyness, and wouldn’t be able to try with the music club, if Sana didn’t get herself involved.

Sana did not care if she seemed ridiculous, or if she seemed greedy. All she knows is she want to get involved. In getting involved, she does not only learn and experience new things; she also got to know different kinds of people. Not only that but she gets to share a piece of herself when needed be, and Sana was always happy to give help. Not only was Sana popular because of her physical appearance but because she exudes a charm that will not only attract you to her beauty, but will make you attached to her presence. Her involvement with the school and its students pushed her to run as president in their last year of middle school, and she won.

With Sana’s track record in middle school, it isn’t surprising at all that her confidence and easy-going charm continued on when they move up in high school, that she will once again breeze her way into anything she’d perceive to be. But they eventually learn that high school is a different kind of jungle.

Sana continued to be very much involved when she entered high school. The praise and support she got when she was in middle school still very much resonated with her so she retained the confidence she got so she thought it will be the same as it was then. But no one taught her that high school is a totally different territory. Suddenly what Sana thought was just her being in control of everything, and being helpful, was dismissed as her being a push-over. When all she wanted to do was get help, others just thought that she’s insufferable.

But just as with support, Sana found the challenge of being in an undermining environment as a use to level up her confidence and charm. Sana insisted on running for Vice-President in her freshman year in their high school student council. She even organized a debate against the two who were already running for the position, to prove that she’s not the insufferable girl that people see her as, and that she’s not actively incorporating herself in every high school activity just to get attention, but because she wants to fully experience her high school life, and because she genuinely want to serve. Momo and Dahyun thought that what she was doing is ridiculous but knowing Sana, whether they want in on her plan or not, Sana would still push through it (because Sana loves her best friends so much that she won’t let them do things that they don’t want to do). Despite the ridiculousness of it all, they know that Sana is in control of what she wants to do though so they supported her all the way. But the principal himself, with the “help” of the annoyed incumbent high school student council, rebutted the idea, saying that she’s too young to run and that she needs to give way to her _sunbaes._ And with that she ranted to Dahyun and Momo saying, “To think I’m just vying for the vice-president! To hell with that “older means they’re more capable” bullshit! I’m younger but that does not mean I’m incompetent. This is bullshit!” When Momo and Dahyun thought that the rant was a sign that Sana will give up the whole political race, they were amused that right after the rant, they were told that they would have to help her organize her campaign as the student council’s secretary.

Dahyun thought that things changed a lot when her unnies started high school, and that Sana changed a lot too, but habits are just aren’t easy to neglect. It’s like Sana found a new sense of maturity as she entered high school, but making sure that she still kept a huge part of herself intact. And who could blame her. Sana unexpectedly found herself in a situation where there is nothing she could do, in an environment that suddenly wants nothing to do with her, but being that she is Sana, she’d negotiate and give in, giving her “opponents” the idea that they’re in an advantage. But what they didn’t know is that’s Sana’s less charming way (but still charming nonetheless) in getting what she wanted. She’d be willing to play somebody else’s game as long as in the end, she’d still be the one in control.

 

 

Sana wasn’t really any different from when they first met. From the start of their friendship, Sana always wants to be the one in charge. Whenever they play something in their house, Sana will be the one to choose the game. Whenever they do a dance party at Momo’s house, she’ll be the one to choose and play the music. Whenever they watch movies at Dahyun’s house, she’ll be the one to choose what they will watch. Momo and Dahyun never had a problem with that though. Even though Momo is the oldest among them it did not bother her because she’s used to being taken care of since she’s the youngest in their house. There is also the fact the Momo can be helpless sometimes so she’s pretty much in both Sana’s and Dahyun’s care. Dahyun did not complain at all either. She thought that she should just do what her unnies want because she the youngest, and because she’s pretty chill all the time.

That does not mean that Sana didn’t care for what her best friends think or want. It’s just Sana’s way of making sure that they get to enjoy each other’s time and company. It’s her own unique way of saying that she cares so she wants to be included and make as much memories as she can. It does not always look that way from an outsider’s point of view, but it’s the only way she knows of doing.

It stems from the fact that Sana is an only child. Being an only child means she got all the caring and the attention at home, and the moment she gets outside she tries to pass the excessive amount of care and attention given to her to the people that matters most to her, or even otherwise. Plus being the child of two famous artists, who mostly got a lot of free time in their hands, means that they want Sana to feel that even if she was an only child, she will never alone because they will participate in everything she does. It’s just Sana has a lot of love in her so she’s got a lot of love to give.

Sana feels like sometimes it could be suffocating though. But she does not hate her parents for that because she understands. So rather than be awful and act rebellious to her rather loving and generous parents, she just pours out the smothering to her two best friends, and sometimes to other people as well. For Dahyun and Momo, it is Sana’s way of her caring for them. Going with what her first instincts tells her and does what she thinks is better for everyone. Her best friends and her family understand, because they know Sana. But as with what outsiders and strangers usually do, they judge. Sana suddenly found herself in the bad end of being popular.

 

 

It’s only natural that Sana, being the beautiful girl that she is, and being one of the most popular people in school, attracts a lot of admirers. She got a lot of letters during Valentine’s Day when they were in middle school, so it wasn’t a bit surprising when Sana got letters almost every day now that they’re in high school. There are even a lot of guys who were courageous enough to talk to her and confess to her personally, but she never entertained those. Sana is never the one who just let things happen to her though, or let others do things for her because she pretty much has that privilege. Sana is the kind of person who works for what she wants, and let herself be in charge and be in control. So instead of accepting and reciprocating confessions, when Sana has a crush on someone, she lets them know right then and there that she likes them. Dahyun had witnessed Sana approach the school’s basketball team captain right after a victorious game and told him to date her and they did. She also approached and dated the president of the student council, the one who supposedly pushed the principal to stop Sana from running, after a while of being the student council secretary because as Sana put it, “He’s not that bad. He just has a lot of insecurities.” It’s not just the boys of top tier though. As long as Sana sees her type, she'd find a way to tell them to date her, and she’d get the same results.

One day it got a little bit different, though. It was a little bit anti-climactic to say the least, but nevertheless shocking to both Dahyun and Momo, when one day Sana confessed (more like informing) to them that she is bisexual.

The three best friends were hanging out at their usual spot on top of the bleachers because they had a “free day” (which to the teachers mean that they should study on their own but no one really does), and Sana was going on and on to Momo and Dahyun about a list of students, and occasionally students who pass by the bleachers, and ask them if they found them attractive or not. The latter two thought it was just a game out of boredom so they just went with what Sana has them do. Sana will ask Momo if the student was a girl, and Dahyun if the student was a boy. What they didn’t anticipate was this was how Sana planned to tell them that she like boys and that she also likes girls.

“What about Myoui Mina?” Sana looked at Momo and anticipated for her answer. “Hmmm I don’t think she swings my way though?” and to that Sana elicited an annoyed grunt and rolled her eyes because Momo’s overthinking her answer again, and just that made Momo panic and answered “Okay okay! Yes! Yes, I think she’s really pretty and I would even date her, if she happens to like girls too. I don’t think I can handle her fanboys though.”

Dahyun expected for her turn to be asked but instead she heard Sana say, “I actually wanted to date her too.” Dahyun’s mind just evoked a small “Huh”, and she thought she should leave it at that. She almost smacked herself at how slow brain worked though because when Dahyun looked at Sana’s very meaningful smirk, her “huh” turned into an “oh”.

After Sana’s subtle coming out to Dahyun, and explaining to a little-bit-confused Momo that she did came out to the two of them, nothing much has changed. Except after she declared that she wanted to date the also very famous in school Myoui Mina, she did approach her when she passed by in front of them by the bleachers, and after some days of courting the girl, they dated. Nothing much has changed, except now not only did Sana approach and confess to guys that she liked, she would also confess and even court a girl that she liked. In a perfect world, it would’ve been an achievement and great progress to see someone who courageously act the way she would, or love, or like someone that you truly like regardless of whatever. But sadly our world is very far from any progress. So when the whole school learned that Sana was now dating guys and girls, the rumor mill, unsurprisingly, started turning.

When it became known to their whole school community that Sana is actually bisexual, she didn’t mind one bit that people around her were talking about it. Sana knew that she’ll have to face some consequences once she started dating girls, but she was used to it anyways. Plus it’s not that there were totally zero rumors about Sana in the first place. Someone popular as her of course there’s bound to be someone who’s going to try to take her out of the popularity scene. But it’s mostly some comically exaggerated nonsense that she could either dismiss and laugh at, or let her student council privilege help her cover up the rumor entirely. She also did get some damaging rumors when she started dating different kinds of guys in their school, but it was really nothing compared to the rumors she’s hearing now that she’s an out bisexual. She’d get the typical ‘she’s a slut’ or ‘she’s so greedy’ or ‘she just wants to sleep with everyone’, bullshit, and although it affected her one way or another, she just gets used to it. She just brushed it off because she thinks what people say about her isn’t going to define who she really is.

It only became worst when one day she heard some whisperings saying that she has been spreading something sort of an STI and that she passed it on to everyone that she’s dated. When she first heard of it, she just thought that it was funny. It was funny to her because, one, sure she did date a lot of guys, and a couple of girls, but she never did once have sex with any of them. Sure she’d kiss and make out with some of them, but Sana isn’t stupid enough (thanks to her Mom and teacher of course) to kiss them when they have sores or wounds around the mouth, or if they obviously look so sick that they’re dying. She’d never date the person in the first place. And two, it’s just plain ridiculous to her that someone really did have the time to spread a rumor that she had an STI. She even rarely absents herself from school because she rarely got sick, and now out of nowhere she got an STI? She laughed it off and just dismissed it knowing that it’ll simmer down eventually until some hot new gossip surface out to replace the one about her.

But to Sana’s disappointment, the gossip blew out of proportion one day. She was talked out of the student council and will be temporarily dismissed from her duties until the president himself investigates the situation. At first she cannot believe how ridiculous this rumor’s been getting. She almost threw a tantrum and almost lashed out at their president, but she knows it won’t do her anymore good. She understands that their president is just doing his job, and that he didn’t have much choice about it either. She’s just glad that she wasn’t completely thrown out of the position that she really worked hard on. She’s also just glad that she’s close enough, and is even friendly with their incumbent president despite their history, and is willing to find out more about the situation first rather than just judge her over some stupid rumor. It also got worst to the point that a lot of her classmates isolate her and want nothing to do with her. But she didn’t care because she knows the truth, the student council will find out soon (hopefully) who the perpetrator was, and it will all be over like it never happened.

It really wasn’t like that in real life though.

If it’s herself that she needs to think about, Sana knows that there is nothing for her to worry about. She knows that whatever comes her way, she knows she can pass right through it. She knows she can handle herself with whatever situation. When it comes to Momo and Dahyun though, it’s them that she spends her time protecting. She knows the two of them enough that she understands that they don’t need protecting but she does anyway. Plus she also confident enough to say that Momo and Dahyun is pretty much going do the same for her so she’s willing to give her all for her friends if need be. She doesn’t care if some jerk wants to tarnish her reputation, she can handle that. What she can’t handle is when others try to hurt her friends in any way.             

She pretty much trusted her fellow officers to find out the truth for her when she was temporarily off her secretarial duty, so she took it as a little vacation off from the student council. She spent a lot of her time hanging out with her two best friends since she didn’t get to as much as before. She can even have lunch with them which was usually spent with meetings with the student council. One day while lining up in the cafeteria to get some lunch, Jaebeom, one of the guys that Sana dated not long ago, approached the three of them, a mischievous smile evident in his face.

“Hey Sana! Heard you’re spreading some deadly STDs around the campus.” He snickered, his voice loud enough making sure that the whole cafeteria heard him. He laughed, then focused to the students lining behind the three girls, “Everyone! Be careful of what you eat you might get infected from some sluts nearest you.” putting emphasis on his last two words while pointing his finger at Sana. Everyone behind them, even those in front of them in the line took one step away from them, and some even leaving their plates full of food back to the cafeteria counter. Some vomit sounds were heard from one table not that far from them, probably from Jaebeom’s group of friends.

All Sana can feel right now was embarrassment. She’s embarrassed from the fact that she liked this stupid, immature asshole in front of her months ago, and also from the fact that her classmates and schoolmates have no idea how STIs are transmitted. _Weren’t these idiots present in the same sex ed class I attended?!_ Sana thought while pinching her nose bridge, letting her hair flow to cover her face, to contain her disappointment.

Her feeling of disappointment however was replaced with _cold._ She felt cold from water that was splashed onto her from her hair to her torso. She flipped her wet hair out of her face and looked for the garbage of a person that did this to her. Before she could do anything though, Momo suddenly just moved in front of her, shielding her from yet another spillage. Lim Jaebeom changed his tactic of babbling garbage out of his mouth, to physically assault Sana when he didn’t get the reaction he expected from the girl. Sana was about to attack the guy but her rage was replaced with another supposed splash of water to her face and a whole lot of shock when she saw Momo take the hit.

“Are you done?” Momo asked her target provocatively, but didn’t care for an answer because she reached for a plate full of food that was supposed to be her lunch but she thought of a better way of consuming it. She lay flat the plate of her palms, reached out for Jaebeom’s shirt collar, and smashed the plate full of food right in his face, plate and all. Jaebeom was about to assault Momo for ruining his shirt and his face, and Momo was ready for it, when one of the teachers busted right into the cafeteria to stop the commotion, and to escort Lim Jaebeom out of the cafeteria and into the principal’s office.

Sana suddenly felt weak to her knees after seeing what was about to happen to Momo. She knows how psychotic Jaebeom could get, that’s why she stopped seeing him in the first place. She held onto the counter to crouch and to try and not let herself completely collapse on the floor. She felt trembling hands wiping her face and her chest and she suddenly remembered Dahyun being there. She looked at Dahyun’s face and stared at it. Her face full of worry and concern and shock but not a sign of tears on her face. Her eyes are focused on Sana’s body that got wet but never on her face. Not a single word from her either, just focused on her hands drying her unnie like her life depended on it. Momo, on the other hand rushed towards them and crouched so fast it seemed that it’s not only Sana who got weak in the knees after the whole incident. She’s now focusing on Sana as well, but unlike Dahyun, all Momo’s focused on is her face. And she’s just right next to her waiting, waiting for anything. She’s focusing on her face because she’s waiting for any hint of emotion Sana’s going to show. She’s waiting for the first hint of hurt or of anger or of crying. She’s waiting for any signs of Sana’s emotion because she wants to be the one to comfort her, or diffuse her anger or anything. She’s waiting for Sana to show anything so that she’ll be ready to tell her that she’s just right there for her.

Sana did not know what she’d do if something bad was going to happen to Momo or Dahyun. She didn’t know what she would do if she were to face Momo’s dad who hurt her so much. She did not know what she would have done to Jaebom if she did not feel so weak right now. That’s when all of a sudden Sana felt a loud sob coming right out of her chest. All she wanted to do was protect Momo and Dahyun that she forgot, because of all the commotion, that Momo and Dahyun was just there to protect her at any cost. This was the first time that this happened to her, and right now all of a sudden she didn’t know what to do. But right now all she wanted was to envelope herself with as much Dahyun and Momo as she can. She didn’t know what to do but all she knows is right now, there’s Dahyun and Momo.

That’s when she finally decided to let out all of the emotions she’s been holding in inside of her ever since that shit storm gossip mess started to take over her life. Sana suddenly found herself being in a bad side of popularity, and it’s only now that she’s allowing it to take a toll on her. She’s been keeping it inside her, and she’s keeping herself from showing any weakness, deluding herself that it’s going to be okay eventually but the fact is it isn’t. Sana, from the day she heard the whispers felt like all her hard work will turn to nothing just because of a stupid gossip. She cried it all out; loud shouting baby sobbing and all, and she didn’t care if other people were staring at her. She want it all out of her because right now all she wanted to feel was Dahyun’s comforting hand fixing her hair from sticking to her face, and Momo’s hands rubbing her back telling her to just let it all out. All she wants to feel right now is her best friends love surrounding her. Their perfect love that just knows what to give her and not to give her because they know each other for so long they know what to give and they know what to take. She didn’t care. All she cares about right now is the two perfect persons who love her so much with their perfect love, and she didn’t want more.

She stopped her crying with a small sigh, and she looked at her friends’ beautiful faces. She held their hands, entangled her with theirs, and put it on her chest. She held it, almost like hugging their hands tight pushing it hard on her chest that it touched her chin. All she thought, as she held Dahyun’s and Momo’s hands, is that she wanted to keep holding them forever.

 

Sana found herself in the principal’s office right after the scandalous incident that Lim Jaebeom started in the cafeteria. Turns out the teacher just saw the commotion by chance and was just really looking for Jaebeom because apparently, he was the one who spread the rumor about Sana. After investigating and collecting enough evidence, the student council president reported the issue to the principal, and It just so happens that he was also caught in the act of almost assaulting Momo in the cafeteria, and that resulted in suspension and detention for the whole term. They just needed Sana to turn in some medical papers and to give her statement for the school record.

After the whole thing died down, Sana stopped pursuing for her crushes, and just focused on school activities and the student council. She still didn’t get to hang out much with Momo and Dahyun but whenever she gets free from her responsibilities she spends all of her time with them. She didn’t feel like dating anymore, and if she’s being honest, she’d really rather spend all her time with the two most important people in her life.

 

 

Momo was done checking and fixing her bag when she looked at the rear mirror by chance, and saw Dahyun clutching hard on her lunch box with her eyes closed and eyebrows furrowed. She faced the backseat of her car and rubbed Dahyun’s knees, slowly so she won’t flinch or be surprised at the touch. Dahyun opened her eyes, her eyebrows still furrowed, either from the sudden brightness or because of Momo’s concerned face right in front of her (probably both). She tried to focus on the hand on her knee but she really didn’t get to because the same hand was now on one of her cheeks and suddenly it grounded her. She was about to relish on the touch and clasp Momo’s hand with her shoulder but she didn’t have the chance to. She suddenly saw Momo’s back equipped with her backpack and was now going out of her car and she just kind of feels sad now, unsatisfied with the short amount of skinship.

Dahyun was already wearing her backpack and was about to go out of Momo’s car as well but was surprised because the doors on both her side opened, and she was suddenly sandwich by her two favorite unnies. Now that they look presentable enough, they now do the same “fixing” on Dahyun to make sure that she’s ready. They pet her hair, patted her clothes a little bit, and it may or may not include a little bit of teasing and tickling. After laughing and some more tickling, Sana held Dahyun’s shoulder to make her face her, and asked in her most serious tone, “Are you ready?” And with that Dahyun flashed her brightest smile, inhaled as if she’s breathing fresh air for the first time, and exhaled a nod.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Longer than I expected yikes
> 
> Hey kids! Just a note/reminder!  
> 1\. STIs cannot be transmitted through food (unless you eat a contaminated one). But you can get it from sharing utensils, and through salivas. If you have more questions about STIs visit https://www.stdcheck.com/blog/how-to-get-an-std-without-having-sex/ OR google some more i literally just googled stuff  
> 2\. Dont waste food. *wink* No though seriously a lot of people work hard for your food so dont waste it esp if it's rice from the Philippines  
> 3\. As Sunstone said in Steven Universe, bullying is bad and tell a responsible adult if youre being bullied  
> Stay safe kids!


	3. Dahyun

Walking towards the school entrance shouldn’t feel like she’s walking the walk of shame but she can’t help it. It’s not like all of the school is literally staring at them as they walk; some are minding their own business, as they should, and Dahyun’s happy to do the same, but she can’t help but notice those who look at them with judgmental stares that are usually followed by a gasp or a whisper to someone’s ear. It’s like some people are really wired to snoop in other people’s business, but never their own. Dahyun knows she shouldn’t dwell on it too much, but after what happened in the past, sometimes she just can’t help but be on alert. There hasn’t been any drama involving them since the “Jabeom incident”, and Dahyun has been grateful but she still really hated how people didn’t even learn a single thing about that incident. A lot of the students gossiping about them right now are probably making up, and exaggerating things that did not even happen, and honestly she’s so frustrated at all of them that she wants to screams at their faces.

Before she goes down the rabbit hole of thinking some much more violent things to do to her peers, she saved herself, slapping her cheeks slightly, and tried to dissociate instead by recalling in her mind all the things she has in her bag for the nth time, and to imagine the things that are probably going to happen in each class she has that day. When she was about to list all the things in her pencil case that’s in front of her books and fillers that she just finished listing, she suddenly felt an arm on her shoulder followed by a soft squeeze on her right cheek. Her face kind of flinched at the touch but she lets it. She needed this, and it’s a better distraction than thinking about how her class is going to be that day (she’s pretty sure it’ll be the same for all her classes since it’s their first day).  She looked to her left to see her Momo unnie’s face looking forward and focused on walking, as if it’s natural to just knead and knead on her cheek like it’s a stress ball. She was thinking of swatting her unnie’s hand to stopping the cheek-squeezing when her Sana unnie hooked her arm on her free arm while she’s busy on her phone probably having a pre-meeting with her co-officers. Since she cannot focus on walking, and to avoid tripping, she’s relying on Dahyun to navigate her to where they are going.

She knows they cannot sense it at all, and she really didn’t want them to know that she’s all nerves right now, but she’s so thankful that she could rely on her unnies to be there for her. To just be there. She’s not feeling the most comfortable right now, what with the cheek squeezing and the human sandwich she’s in right now, but she’s relishing it. She’s glad for the skinship and, honestly, she missed it. She may feel anxious sometimes, but the thought of spending a large percent of her 24 hours with her unnies tampers her anxiousness and replaces it with excitement. Sure, there is the stress that usually comes with school but she could take all that as long as she does it with her unnies.

She shouldn’t feel this clingy since they spend a ton of time with each other ever since, but for the first time in years, they didn’t spend their previous summer together. They usually hang out almost every day when it’s their summer vacation—having sleepovers, binge watching series, everything that they could possibly do that they haven’t had the privilege of doing during school time. Even if they spend all of their waking hours together, they just never get tired of each other. Even if they have their differences, it’s those differences that make hanging with her unnies interesting. There’s also the fact that Momo hates spending time in her house, and Sana’s parents lets her do whatever she wants to do so what else could they be doing but to hang out and spend a lot of time with each other.

This summer though, they just cannot somehow find the time to do the same as their previous summers. They all have their own stuff going on for them, and just could not find a time together for them to hang out, or even see each other for a minute. Dahyun has her summer review school and her tutoring job, which she had since high school, but she just could not get a hold of her two unnies when she’s done with her classes or when she’s on a short break. Sana on the other hand, was taken to Europe by her parents for a vacation but mostly for art, and also back in Japan to visit some family. She also had a leadership camp that she had to attend with the other student council officers that wants to run for the next school year. Momo takes the opportunity of having so much free time to better her skills by taking dancing lessons every summer since she started dancing. But Momo, over time, has not been satisfied with lessons that, honestly, she could just watch on Youtube. So she wanted to make choreography herself instead, and practice her freestyling more, so she wanted to rent a studio for herself. Since she doesn’t have the support of her parents, she has to fund herself so she could rent a dance studio. Despite Sana’s offer to just use her room for her to practice to, Momo instead found a dance studio which offered to rent her the place in the evening, and a little bit of salary in exchange for her to teach dance lessons to kids in the morning.

Dahyun missed her unnies so much during the summer because they all have their own stuff to do, but she’s also glad and proud that she and her unnies each have their own things that they excel in, and passionate about. She’d love to be with them all the time, but if it is for their growth and their future, she’d be willing to give them all the time they need if it means that they’ll be happy doing what they want. Besides, right now, with her unnies doting on and clinging on to her, waiting to see them again just makes it so much worth it.

 

 

They arrive to the lockers, and while they exchange class schedules while fixing and personalizing the locker given to them, they heard some gasps, and squeals from a number of girls around them in the hallway.

“Dahyun-ah!” a tall, slim, beautiful boy called as he jogged a bit towards Dahyun. Dahyun knew that voice, and it made her kind of panic. She kind of want to squeeze herself inside her locker all of a sudden, not really because of the person who owns the voice, but because the squeals of the girls in the hallway has died down, and was now probably turned into spite that she knows are directed towards her. She scrunched her face at the thought, and also at the thought that she has to deal with this sooner than she’d expect. She wanted to meet him when her unnies aren’t around, because she knows there ISN’T any tension between him and her unnies, but she just feels that there is and it makes her uncomfortable nonetheless. When she was tiptoeing to push herself inside her locker, she felt strong hands on her shoulder, forcing her to turn her face opposite her locker instead.

“Hey… Eunwoo… oppa.”, she raised her hand awkwardly, and smiled stiffly to greet her oppa, debating whether she’d do a bow to add to her greeting, or to slide and crawl her way out of the situation. It’s not that Dahyun is purposely avoiding her oppa, it’s just she really didn’t expect to meet him this morning because she knows he has other stuff to do with his friends and with the music club. They usually just meet after school and then go home together since they are just really busy with their own stuff during school. Plus, she knows Eunwoo was also just protecting her from his fangirls that’s why he was the one who suggested meeting after school in the first place. And even though he did not directly say it to her, she knows. When they meet in the school hallway or anywhere in school, he has to make sure that he’s not followed by his fangirls, or if he is, he just waves at her and tell her that he will see her later. It’s a rather stupid situation but honestly she’s thankful for that because even if he tells his fangirls off, she’s pretty sure that they’ll just come for her head instead, and she didn’t want that drama in her life. It isn’t usually awkward between the two of them, and she’s actually happy and contented with their situation, it’s just that, she is not used to them meeting like this, and also because her unnies are with her right now.

Her unnies does not approve of him, she thinks. She’s not really sure because they seem to be supportive of her being in a relationship when she first told them. They even squealed out of ~~shock~~ excitement. She told them of him from the first day they got together, and they told her that they even wanted to see him and get to know him, but somehow there just weren’t any solid plans for them to follow through. So one day, since she really wanted them to at least see what he looks like, Dahyun just pointed who Eunwoo is from where they are in the bleachers when they were having lunch, and told a bunch of things about him so they’d get to know him a little. She eventually told them of their dating situation since there was a small swarm of girls that caught to him when she pointed where he’s at, so that they’ll understand. Their reactions when she told them weren’t really furious per se but they started asking so much questions all of a sudden, all out of concern for Dahyun. She ended her unnies’ frantic queries eventually by telling them that she’s okay with the situation since she’d get to spend more time with them.

She was glad that they did not judge him, or tell bad things about him. She even hopes that they all get to hang out sometime so that her unnies will see that he’s actually nice. She was glad that they didn’t push about any topics of her relationship further because, besides the fact that they have to be careful around his fangirls, their relationship is basically just them commuting together. She thought that her unnies will be furious about her relationship and their situation, but they were surprisingly calm about it, passive even. She even thought that they’ll give her some unsolicited advice being that they both have dated before, and because they have more experience with this than her. She expected them to tell her to stand her ground, or to push herself to be with him more, but they were just satisfied that they get to have her for the majority of the day, instead of spending time with her supposed boyfriend. Ever since then, every time a mention of Eunwoo comes up with any of their conversations, it’ll be the same passive, nonchalant reactions she’ll get, and honestly she’d rather have this reaction from her unnies because if they showed any signs of objection or anger towards Eunwoo, she wouldn’t know what to do.

(She’d break up with him. She’d break up with him in a heartbeat.)

 

 

The loud bang of the lockers closing beside her shocked her so hard that it made her face scrunch hard and made her body flinch hard. She then looked to her right to find her unnies, who are now tangled to each other and are leaning on the locker beside her. They are looking at Dahyun, then at Eunwoo like they were expecting an appropriate answer and nothing less, to a question that Dahyun didn’t know what but a question that is obviously evident on their faces-- expectant, but almost calm faces staring at them like they didn’t just almost smash their lockers from closing them too hard.

“Why are you here oppa? We’re supposed to meet later?” She asked a bit too fast, but smiled a little to ease her panic. There are zero reasons for her to panic so she shouldn’t be. She fake laughed at herself for having that thought.

“Uuuhh… I just came here to talk to you?” He sounded robotic, almost like he forgot momentarily what he was supposed to say, but remembered it suddenly. He turned to look at Dahyun from looking at where Momo and Sana is, also obviously shocked at the loud bang that happened a while ago. He also smiled at Dahyun, while also sliding his hands off Dahyun’s shoulder, and slowly looked to where Sana and Momo is again. “Can we talk, uh, privately?” He asked, making sure he said it loud enough for Momo and Sana to hear, but still focusing the question on Dahyun.

Dahyun and Eunwoo are standing, smiling at each other a little bit too long when Dahyun decided they can’t stay there forever, so she looked at her unnies again, smiling at them as if to ask for their permission (which she totally didn’t need).

“Nice to finally see you, Eunwoo-ssi.” That was Sana, who sounded too formal and too polite in Dahyun’s ears as if she’s challenging someone in a “most polite” contest, and it made her close her eyes and purse her lips in worry. She just remembered the fact that this is the first time that they all meet each other in person, and she thought this isn’t supposed to be the way that they all meet.

“Annyeonghaseyo Sana noona, Momo noona.” Eunwoo politely bowed in front of them, which made Dahyun laugh awkwardly because why is everyone so formal. She slapped Eunwoo’s back many times a little too hard, while she is still awkwardly laughing, to make him stop from bowing. He is not even this formal with her parents, and the thought just made her laugh a little too loud. Eunwoo looked at her weirdly, because he thought he’s doing the right thing, and because her laugh is really getting weirder. And soon it’s Eunwoo’s turn to smile awkwardly at how Sana was staring at him, and he doesn’t know what to do now.

“Hi Eunwoo-ssi. We’ll meet you later in class Dahyun-ah. You and Eunwoo should talk.” Momo replied, but only focused on Dahyun’s face. Momo held Sana’s hand, and stood just a little bit in front of her, obviously trying on pacifying her, and saving Dahyun from turning insane from laughing so weirdly and so loudly. Momo tried to walk away from where they are whilst tugging on Sana’s hand a bit so she’d also walk, and to stop her from whatever she’s thinking of doing to Eunwoo.

Looking at her unnies’ backs walking away from her quieted down her weird, forced laugh, and eventually she ended it with a deep sigh. She then looked at her Eunwoo oppa, and immediately felt sorry because his forehead is drenched with sweat, possibly from all the nervousness. Eunwoo’s face distracted her from her thought for a bit because she almost forgot for a little bit how statuesque her boyfriend’s face is, and despite that his face is still capable of showing all kinds of emotions. It reminded her somehow of the fangirls around him, and the purpose of his surprise appearance, that she just suddenly tugged on her oppa’s sleeve and pulled him out of the hallway and into the nearest empty classroom that she could find.

“What did you want to talk about oppa?” She asked immediately after checking that they are indeed in an empty room, and after she let her oppa settle in one of the chairs. She faced her oppa, feeling a bit fussy, suddenly feeling conscious and hyperaware of the fact that it’s just the two of them in an empty room. She didn’t bother to sit because she hopes it won’t take long, and it’s almost time for their first period anyway. She almost settled on leaning on the wall behind her, to steady herself,  when she felt Eunwoo grabbed her hands, which made her stand straight and stiffen her shoulders. She looked at Eunwoo’s confident, toothy smile, and it made her smile as well, only, hers was more of a shy, hesitant smile. A tiny feeling of guilt flashed in Dahyun’s brain, but Eunwoo’s small caress on her hands made her sigh for a bit, reminding her of her Eunwoo oppas niceness, which made her change her smile into an almost confident one.

“It’s the first time that we’re ever alone here in school.” He smiled, shyly, as he looked at their holding hands. “I missed you, you know.”

The bright smile directed towards her was charming, but nothing that she haven’t seen before. She returned the smile, but confusion was still plaguing her mind with what he’s going to tell her. Her mind started theorizing about what her oppa might want to tell her, and she was so focused on thinking of reasons, she didn’t even notice that her boyfriend was looking at her expectantly, as if waiting for her to say ‘I miss you’ back. _Is that it?_ She almost blurted out, the anticipation, or the lack of it, made her frustrated as hell. Nonetheless, she said it right back, because how could she not when he almost looked like a poor puppy asking for treats (except he can never look like a puppy with how perfect his face is).

The feeling of guilt came over to her again, but instead of a tiny flash, it came in a huge wave that suddenly enveloped every inch of her body. But it’s totally not because she did not feel the same feeling of longing for him, but because she hasn’t said it sooner. She really, actually missed him too. It’s just that, since her unnies were busy with a ton of things last summer, she spent most of her free time with Eunwoo instead. They went out a lot, and they even have some review classes together, so she might not miss him as much but nonetheless, she missed him too. “I missed you too, oppa, really.” She said again, shaking their holding hands for a bit, as if to convince her oppa that she really does miss him.

The statement hyped Eunwoo up all of a sudden, and he started to talk about his friends, both in their church, and here in school. There were some anecdotes of when he went out with them or something about a funny thing Mingyu, his best friend, has said to him. Dahyun was totally listening, and was getting the gist of what her oppa was talking about, laughing and nodding at the appropriate times, but it developed in her mind as white noise. Dahyun was then distracted with everything around her. From the details in her Eunwoo oppa’s face, to the amount of chairs and table in the room, even the clock that she can see from her peripheral vision. This reminded her of the amount of time they got left before first period, so she panicked, and looked at Eunwoo’s face so fast.

“...that’s why I’m asking you if it is okay if we hang out with my friends during lunch, or whenever?”

“Hmmm? Sorry oppa. I got distracted for a bit. I think classes are almost starting?” Dahyun grimaced for being guilty of getting distracted, and then flipped her hair to look at the wall clock properly. It made Eunwoo turn around to check the time as well. They got twenty minutes.

Eunwoo held Dahyun’s hands again, and then shook it a little, telling her to pay more attention to him. “I said Mingyu and the others think that our relationship isn’t real. So I think we should start hanging out not only after school, but also during lunchtime? Or anytime we go out you know? So you can get to know them and their girlfriends as well.”

The request made Dahyun confused which showed in her face really well. A huge ‘why’ was flashing like neon light inside her head, but despite that, it stayed in there and didn’t come out of her mouth. It made her really confused because why does he want their relationship to go public all of a sudden? It unexpectedly made her feel defensive, which just added to her confusion. Why would she feel defensive and doubtful all of a sudden? Shouldn’t she be glad because after months of “being together”, they will be able to go out and date properly? Shouldn’t she be happy that their relationship, that is practically fixed by both of their parents and the people around them, is blossoming into something more?

 

 

All her life Dahyun was considered by her parents as their gift. From her childhood up to now Dahyun has never done anything that will make her parents angry at her. There were some instances, little mishaps or unintentional mistakes that sometimes ruin her obedient record, but instances that so small that it can be covered up by how many times she’s been good to them. It may seem like it makes her such a wuss, but to Dahyun it was all out of respect. Dahyun respected her parents so much, that up until now, she sees them as one of her role models when she becomes an adult.

One of the biggest influences that her parents brought to her life was their religion. Her parents went to church every Sunday, and involved themselves with as much church work as they can. Despite being deeply devoted in church, her parents were never the ones who insisted their children to do the same as them. Both her and her older brother Myungsoo did experience being involved in their church for the whole part of their childhood, but when her Myungsoo oppa decided to do something else with his time, they never reprimanded him about it, as long as what he’s doing is productive. That’s one of the reasons why Dahyun admires her parents so much. Even though they are their parents, they never saw their children as a part of them but as individuals who can make their own decisions. They just guide them and teach them along the way but never push their children to do something they don’t want. Since then, because of the goodness that her parents has shown her, even though she could just focus more on her studies or something else, she decided to also devote herself to their church, playing piano for the choir, or sometimes even participating in the choir.

Being active in the church means meeting a lot of people and being close acquaintances with a lot of them. Dahyun has considered a lot of them her friends, some she even met from when they were just kids. One of those was Eunwoo. Since Dahyun’s parents and Eunwoo’s parents are pretty close, by default, Eunwoo and Dahyun ultimately became friends as well. Playing instruments also became their shared interest, so they’re pretty much pals and buds. But the people around them didn’t want them to just stop at being friends. Just with the fact that their parents are pretty close, and that they have some (one) shared interests, their church friends, their choir mates, even their pastor, always tease them and always pair them with each other. What made it more problematic is when both of their parents caught on to what their church are doing to them. They are always being pushed to each other almost every time that eventually, both their parents agreed to try and make them go into a relationship. It first started off as just them being paired together every time there’s a task that needed to be done for Sunday service. Then they were forced to perform with their respective instruments together, just the two of them, forcing them to practice together hence to hang out more together. There was even a time when both their parents planed on going home without them so, they were forced, yet again, to walk home together.

Dahyun exhaled, feeling tired from all the pressure that the people around her was giving. For the first time in her life she felt disappointed with her parents because she felt betrayed. They were never the ones who pressure her into doing something but just because of whatever this is they suddenly turned around and left her, literally. She honestly just wants to rush home and hang out with her unnies, but she’s forced to deal with this and all shes thinking about was plopping on her Sana unnies bed, and maybe cuddle with her Momo unnie. She exhaled once again, but was cut short because she felt Eunwoo stop beside her. She also stopped and turned to look at him, puzzled as to why he stooped.

“I think we should just do it.” He started, as he looks at Dahyun, his face stern. It’s as if he just decided on something so life-changing.

“Do what?” Dahyun just wants to go home. She went to where Eunwoo was then tugged on her oppa’s sleeve, pulling him to walk again with her, to encourage him to talk and walk at the same time.

“The two of us. Let’s date.” He turned his wrist to catch Dahyun’s hand that was pulling sleeve. “It’s our first day today!” he expressed in confidence while raising their holding hands to their faces.

Dahyun was so confused, her face was stunned for a bit, eyes large and circular because of what just happened. Not a minute longer though, she pulled her hand off of Eunwoo’s and cringed at what he just said. She started laughing, but her face became worried when she saw Eunwoo being serious. “You’re serious? Really?”

Eunwoo convinced her, telling her that this is the only way to stop their parents and the other people around them to stop clinging onto their backs about going on into a relationship. If Dahyun knew better, she’d notice the same tiredness and a bit of desperation in Eunwoo’s voice. But all her brain is telling her is “ _What the heck? Is he really serious?”_ And that the want to go to Sana’s place doubled in her that she just wants to get out of there.

 

 

Dahyun’s face is serious. She looked like she was she’s solving the hardest math exam, and not staring at the windows at the other end of the empty classroom they’re in. Dahyun is still weighting the question that Eunwoo asked. She can’t understand why there’s a need for them to publicly show that their dating when _they_ know they’re dating. Shouldn’t their relationship matter to just the two of them? The sudden suggestion for change really makes her want to throw a tantrum. She wanted to be mad at something but it’s unfair to lash it out on Eunwoo who was just asking her to hang out with him and his friends. She kind of wanted to attack him with a lot of questions though, like why his friends have to involve themselves in their relationship that is clearly very perfect just the way they are. She just can’t find it in her brain why all of a sudden, because Eunwoo’s “peer-pressuring” friends didn’t see any proof that their dating, she suddenly needs to drop her own priorities and have less time for her unnies.

Maybe one of the reasons why she wanted to throw a tantrum right now was because of all the plans she wanted to do with her unnies that she thought through long and hard last summer, when all they could possibly do was talk and update themselves in their group chat. She was so ready to catch up and spend almost all her waking hours with her unnies that she missed so much, and then all of a sudden she’s put in a situation that she does not like at all. It’s like the universe is making her choose between Eunwoo and her unnies, but she knows isn’t the case because Eunwoo isn’t like that. Eunwoo isn’t making her choose between him and her unnies but suddenly she’s feeling as if two buttons are presented in front of her, and she’s only allowed to press one.

Eunwoo is never that kind of person though. One of things that made her accept his proposal on the first place was because he was nice, and also very smart. It’s also a huge plus that he probably has the most beautiful face in their church and in their school, or maybe even the whole area, so it wasn’t really a hard decision to make. But most importantly she appreciated the fact that he has always made it known to her that he cares for her, even if their relationship was obviously just an escape from the people that keep on pestering them. Dahyun can never feel any resentment to her oppa, most especially because he was always there for her when her unnies can’t. Even if she doesn’t ask, he’ll always be ready to drop anything just to hang out with her, or to treat her out after their review classes. Spending your supposed-to-be-resting months studying even more can definitely burn you out, and Dahyun is glad Eunwoo was there for her to share the same burden. Thinking of all the times they’ve spent for the past months fills her with deep appreciation and so much like for him, and she wishes it sparks something more in her.

She’s been really thankful to her Eunwoo oppa from the start and she knows it won’t be long for her to like _like_ him, but Dahyun can’t somehow shake the feeling of guilt that continues to seep in every pore of her body. She tried on focusing on the times when they went out to eat, or hang out in the children’s park, or all the times they had fun in their review class (which is super rare), but those places, all their conversations, all the times she’s experienced with Eunwoo, in her mind, she was all reserving them for Momo and Sana when they come back and when they get to hang out again. She has invited Eunwoo to their favorite café, made him watch movies and series that she intended to watch with her unnies that summer, shared some of their inside jokes with him, shared the playlist she intended for her Momo unnie to maybe dance to, and even shopped with him in their favorite thrift store. All she did, she did with an intention of letting Eunwoo in in her life, but it never left her mind that somehow she was just her substituting her unnies with her Eunwoo oppa. She didn’t do it on purpose. She was so used to being with Sana and Momo that somehow all the things she did with Eunwoo, she did with her unnies in mind. The thought made her more thankful to Eunwoo because somehow he still did those things with her. She suddenly wants to kick herself because she’s realizing now how much she’s probably talked about her unnies to Eunwoo. She felt guilty somehow, but she realized something more. She can’t shake the feeling when she’s thinking about her unnies. A feeling that she feels so much, a feeling of something bigger and deeper towards her unnies, but she somehow can’t towards Eunwoo. All of these unexplainable feelings were just like the things she did with Eunwoo. She feels them so clearly and strongly, but with her unnies filling up her brain.

Another huge wave of realization was beginning to splash onto her again, this time like cold water dropping from above, but she want able to dwell much on it. She suddenly felt a hand slightly shaking her cheek and it made look for the person who was doing it. It made her look straight at Eunwoo’s face that is now standing, his face full of worry. “Are you ok?” He asked her, as if all the purpose of talking to her does not matter anymore and all he’s concerned right now was Dahyun’s well-being. Dahyun smiled at him to stop him from worrying. It isn’t at all hard for her to do so when the person in front of her is just so nice.  

Dahyun tried on listing all the things that Eunwoo has done for her so far, starting from the time that he decided to save the both of them from the people around them. She listed them just like how she will list her school stuff, and starts to convince herself that the feelings she’s feeling right now was all towards her Eunwoo oppa. She tried exhaling the feeling building up in her chest, but when she did she suddenly had an impulse to run to see her unnies and hug them, and it isn’t supposed to be it. She held Eunwoo’s hands just like how they did a while ago so that she’ll be reminded that the admiration shes feeling was for her oppa who is just so nice to her and whom she like, and she smiled her best smile towards him. She then looked at their holding hands then her face turned pensive then. Then she decided, “Okay.” She started. “Okay I will go with you anytime you need me.” She looked at Eunwoo and smiled at him again. She hopes that if she smiled more and smiled wide enough, it’ll convince her that this is what she wanted. That she’s doing it out of her likeness for her oppa. And that she’s doing this because she’s a good girl, who only likes who her parents think was perfect for her.


	4. Momo & Sana & Dahyun

The decision she did just dawned on her, and she’s very much regretting every single thing. And with the regret comes the feeling of guilt because this shouldn’t so much of a big deal; Eunwoo is her boyfriend after all. But it’s the feeling of regret that just keeps on winning and taking over her. If she has any small, tiny chance on being honest, she’d really rather choose on being with her unnies anytime, any day. If given a chance to be honest with herself she’d go back and talk to Eunwoo and tell her how she really feels about the two of them. Admittedly, their relationship was pretty much a fixed one anyway. Their relationship happened because it was convenient for the both of them, so why does she have to do all of this? _Oh right._ She thought. _I need to do this because it’s what the people wanted. But what about what I want?_  

She felt a sudden urge to throw a tantrum but too much thinking and the amount of unwanted stress that’s taking over her was too much so all she could ever do was to lay her head on her desk and close her eyes and never move from her spot ever again. She’d rather much stay here than break it her unnies that she won’t be with them as much. She had her first two classes with them, which she felt so excited about ever since she got her class schedule because it’s always fun to have classes together with her unnies. She purposely worked hard and studied hard just so she could catch on the advance classes so she could have it with her unnies. Sure having good grades and striving for great achievement and all that was great, but it was really mostly because she wants to be in the same class with them as well. She’s glad her hard work paid off, but she wasn’t even able to enjoy their presence near her because of something that is looming over her head. She was glad that their teachers were already in their serious mode, and didn’t waste time in giving them chapters to read and activities to do. It gave her excuse to not deal with anything for the meantime, without having her unnies think that there’s something going on with her. But now, all the reading and studying she did just added to the already mountainous amount of things that’s in her head. She can’t even lift her head to listen promptly with what their teacher was saying, and now she’s concerned that all this will affect her studies as well. _This sucks. All of these suck._

The shrill sound of the bell signaling the end of the class and the start of lunch rang in Dahyun’s ears into her head, and she doesn’t know if she wants to make the school bell explode, or make her own head explode.

She doesn’t move from her position-- head still laid on her table and eyes closed, as she started gathering her things and putting them back into her backpack, not caring whether they’re in place or whatever. She planned on staying still there, to at least try and organize her thoughts or just sleep, when she felt a hand on her back. She flinched, a bit surprised, and turned her head looked for the person who suddenly touched her without removing her head from the table. When she saw who disturbed her, she closed her eyes again, then scrunched her face from the cold touch emitting from the same hand that was now touching her forehead. It was Son Chaeyoung, her worried face a little too close for her comfort.

“You okay Kim Dahyun?” She felt her body shiver a bit, not from Chaeyoung’s cold hands or from the cold air conditioner in the room, but from Chou Tzuyu’s stone-cold serious voice, which Dahyun thinks is supposed to sound concerned, but she’s not really sure with Tzuyu. “How are you supposed to place first in every class we’re in when it’s just our first day and you’re looking like you’re already burned out?” Tzuyu said, which should sound apathetic if only her accent didn’t make her stumble which made her sound like she’s a toddler. She almost got fooled with the “concerned” Tzuyu a while ago, and honestly, she’d rather hear her honest and confident cold voice, that is the usual Tzuyu. _There it is._ Dahyun thought, and she almost smiled at the familiarity. _At least not everything is changing around here. Or falling apart._

Despite the insistent chaos inside her head and the lethargic feeling that is conquering her body, she managed to gather her now messy backpack, and to at least pull herself from her table and to lean her body instead on her chair. There is no way she could explain everything to Chaeyoung and Tzuyu, so the least she could do was assure them that she is okay, physically at least. She honestly wishes she could, though. Besides Momo and Sana, Chayeong and Tzuyu are the ones who Dahyun can trust her whole life with. Since her unnies are ahead of her for a year, and since Dahyun was new in their school, Chaeyoung and Tzuyu took her in and she became instantly close to them, despite the initial competition between her and Tzuyu to be their class’ top student. She’d been thankful to the both of them ever since for giving her company and being also there for her as support when her unnies couldn’t. She wishes she could just do the same right now and spill the burden she’s in, but how could she when she herself can’t even explain all the things she’s feeling right now.

After Dahyun assured them that’s she’s okay, and after teasing Tzuyu for a bit, they then just started talking casually, talking about what they plan to eat for lunch or what to expect in the remaining of their classes. Given a choice Dahyun would very much choose talking to Chaeyoung and Tzuyu right now because she really needed the distraction, or really an escape from things in her head. But the moment she heard a high-pitched “Dahyunnie” from the outside of the room said with unintentional aegyo both from Sana and Momo, she knows she really didn’t have any choice to begin with.

 

 

As they walk towards the bleachers after getting their lunch, all Dahyun could think about was how she’s going to talk to her unnies about her new situation with her relationship with Eunwoo. At the same time she’s also consistently convincing herself that it won’t be a big deal. This is her unnies she’s talking to, if there is something she should worry about it’s probably their too much excitement for her because their squeals will be deafening. But she can’t help but contradict that small voice inside her head. Somehow she feels like if she won’t spill the news to them carefully, it might elicit something from her unnies that she might not expect. So she balances it by preparing different approaches on how she’ll let her unnies know that she won’t be hanging as much because Eunwoo wants to be with her more.  Her mind started going back and forth—that it isn’t so much of a big deal and that her unnies will support her, but she should still prepare herself and her unnies just in case. She’s going back and forth so much, she doesn’t know whether to feel calm, or to panic as they approach and settle at their usual spot on top of the bleachers.

As Dahyun munch on the small cucumbers that came from Momo’s kimbap, and as she was organizing and practicing her “speech” in her head, while at the same time panicking because she doesn’t have much time because this time is her only chance, she was shocked out of her trance when she heard loud giggles coming from a group of girls who are on their way to the cafeteria. It wasn’t that loud compared to the combined noises from other students in the quad, but it somehow sounds familiar to her. She squinted, out of habit despite wearing lenses, to see where it came from. Some wasn’t as familiar to her, but one: Lisa Manoban, Momo’s ex-girlfriend. She turned to look at her Momo unnie to see if she saw her, but she was busy checking her kimbap if there’re still cucumbers. She went to look back at the group of girls again but when she turned her head, all she saw now were their backs as they went inside the school cafeteria. She looked at her Momo unnie again, this time feeding Sana her kimbap, and she can’t help but think about her unnie’s past relationship with her ex, and compare it to her relationship now with Eunwoo.

 

It wasn’t much of shock to her when after just a week of confessing to them that she likes girls; Momo was already out and about in the dating scene. Well, as out and about as she could since the lesbian community in their town was not as prominent as she would like. Most are probably very much in the closet, so it’s really hard to know. She might see girls who are very close and touchy and comfortable around each other but as she learns along the way, it’s better to not keep her hopes up. She also would like to be as out about it as much as she wants to, to be proud of what she is and what she likes, but the thought of prejudice still scares her. It’s already been too much for her when her family almost cast her away just because she pursued her passion to dance. It would’ve been way devastating, and she wouldn’t be able to take it if the remaining places where she’s most comfortable being—the school and her dance classes, will do the same just because of what she is.

But all hope is not lost when she became partners with Lisa for a dance showcase in one of the school’s events. They’ve met and became acquaintance before as they auditioned at the same time to be part of the high school’s dance squad, but became closer when assigned to make choreography for the whole squad to perform. After a little bit of flirting from Lisa and a courageous confrontation from Momo, they became a couple right away. They weren’t very much open about it though. Both of them were still closeted so their relationship pretty much just orbited around the two of them. They did decide much later to let their closest friends in in their relationship but they preferred to be cautious about it so none of Momo’s or Lisa’s friends really got really involved in their relationship.

Dahyun remembered the time when Momo told her and Sana about the relationship. Momo had been very honest about it and was not sparing any (unsolicited) details about everything about her and Lisa, but Dahyun could only remember feeling a lot of mixed feelings back then. She remembered feeling quite happy and proud and supportive towards Momo because she’d been desperate about meeting someone, and because she had the courage to show her feelings to someone even though it could potentially harm her. She also felt relief because it went well for Momo after the many times she’d tried to meet other girls who also liked girls. She smiled, and spoke words of support towards her unnie but somehow there’s an itch at the back of her throat, and her stomach felt like it was an endless dark pit and all of her insides won’t stop falling into it. She felt like she wanted to get mad or angry or betrayed, even a bit surprised that Momo did found someone who’s the same as her that fast. But this isn’t about her. Thers should be zero reasons for her to have any ill-feelings towards her unnie. _Zero._ So she shook it off, organized her thoughts and feelings, and instead thought rationally, like she usually does. She learned that maybe she was just feeling envious, which is a rational feeling one could feel after knowing that one her best friends was now in a relationship. Envious of what or with whom, she wasn’t able to find out because the rational thing to do was to continue to smile and cheer for her Momo unnie and her girlfriend.

As her relationship with Lisa continued, Momo eventually spent less and less time with Dahyun and Sana. It took a lot of time from what Momo expected—balancing school and dance club and her girlfriend, that she wasn’t able to see them as much anymore, and would just send messages every now and then. It wasn’t noticeable to the two of them at first since they all have something to be busy about—Sana with her student council duties, and Dahyun with her intense advance studying. But even then with their usual busyness they always end up hanging out in one of their houses, or if things got really hectic, they call each other just to see how everybody’s doing. They never demanded that that’s how their relationship’s going to be as best friends. It just happened naturally. The day just doesn’t feel complete if they weren’t able to meet or see each other. After all of their own things and responsibilities are done, they all go to each other and they all talk to each other. That’s just how they did it.  But even if Momo wasn’t able to do the same with them as much, and even if Sana and Dahyun didn’t really like that fact, they understood her, and they wanted to support their relationship as much as how they supported Momo when she came out to them. And they want things to still be the same as when Momo got into her first serious relationship: they didn’t demand, and they are full of support. They didn’t demand her to tell them everything, or to still hang out with them as much as she did when she was single, so long as she still at least contact them when needed. Sana and Dahyun understood that Momo and Lisa’s relationship is Momo’s own, and their own business. 

With all the things Sana and Dahyun has shown and felt towards Momo’s relationship, it shouldn’t be any different now with her relationship with Eunwoo, right? It will be just like when her Momo unnie dated Lisa: no demands, full of support, and constant understanding. But why can’t she stop feeling on edge?

 

She took a deep breath, before eating on her kimbap again. She’s looking at the field before them, but staring at nothing. At this point she’s not even thinking about anything anymore. Her head is full with jumbled thoughts that are now turning to a blur, and right now all she wanted to do was close her eyes, and lean to the nearest person or thing that she could lean to, because she’s just feeling very, very tired. She almost backed out from her plan and just let things be but then she was shook out of her thoughts, once again, by a vigorous shake to her shoulder.

“Dahyunnie, are you okay? You look so tired.” She turned her head so fast to the voice that just asked her and was surprised by Momo’s face that’s way too close to hers. She just nodded, and smiled, both to Momo and Sana, who are looking really worried. She took a deep breath again, closed her eyes, and thought, _It’s now or never._

“Um… I’m… I just… I want… I want to tell you something.” She casted down her eyes as she started but forced herself to look at the two of them. Stuttering was never part of her “speech”, but nonetheless she’s glad she started something. Her mind is still a little bit blur, and still very in chaos that she’s looking straight at her unnies but she can’t even see them properly, can’t even process what they just said to her. But nonetheless, she’s pushing through, and still convinces herself that everything’s going to be okay.

“Uhm… Eunwoo oppa and I talked a while ago…” She wanted to look at her unnie’s faces at the mention of Eunwoo’s name, but all she could do was look past her unnies, and look at the wall behind them instead.

“And he wanted to…” She looked at her unnies’ eyes now and took a deep breath. _C’mon Dahyun this is nothing. This is fine. Why are you being like this?_

She looked at Momo’s face that’s full of anticipation, as she took her hand to hold it, then at Sana who was smiling and nodding for her to continue, and an immediate, uncertain panic arose in her. “HE WANTED… HE WANTED ME TO BE WITH HIM ALL THE TIME.” _Fuck, a scream wasn’t a part of the speech either. Fuck._

Her eyes were squinted so hard, and the loud, very confused “WHAT?!” from both her unnies filled her ears that it’s all she could hear anymore.

“What? I thought… What!? I don’t get it. Aren’t you two already together?” Dahyun opened her eyes to look at her Momo unnie’s face, which then looked at Sana who looked confused as well. She also felt confused all of a sudden. She practically shouted at them, wasn’t the thing she said clear enough?

“Dahyun…” Sana’s face was serious, and her voice was low, which sounded like a mom asking her daughter for a valid explanation. “Eunwoo wanted to be with you? What does that mean?”

Dahyun tilted her head out of confusion. She can’t remember saying that. But since she didn’t remember clearly what she ~~shouted~~ said to them a while ago, and because her Sana unnie’s face was clearly looking for an explanation, she tried to organize her thoughts as much as she could and tell them want she actually meant, clearly and calmly this time. “Eunwoo oppa said that he wanted us to hang out more. During lunch and when we go home and possibly right after.” 

“What!? All of a sudden!? You chose him over us? Dahyunnie you’re not serious right?”

Dahyun is looking at Sana’s expectant, smirking face, and her tone somehow didn’t sound right in her ears.  Now that she let out the thoughts that kept pestering her brain, she expected that she can now feel at ease. Like a huge thorn was pulled out from her. She thought she could now feel the similar feeling of coming home, like she can go back to being herself again with the people she’s most comfortable with (even more than her family), after the grueling hours of thinking unnecessary thoughts that filled her brain heavily. But all of a sudden, she’s now filled with confusion. This isn’t the reaction that she expected to come from them. She thought all she had to do was to inform them but now she’s asking them permission? She didn’t remember having this kind of question thrown at any of them when it came to what they want to do with their relationship with other people. She’s just taken aback. It feels like she’s seeing her unnies in a new, different light.

She opened her mouth but she didn’t know what to say. She wanted to explain herself. She wanted to tell them the truth. That this was Eunwoo’s request, and that she has taken no part in it. She wanted to tell them everything that will somehow satisfy them so that they could just go back to their usual selves, but she didn’t. What Sana said provoked something in her and now she’s feeling irked at the thought of explaining. She’s suddenly agitated at the unexpected confrontation and appeasing her unnies again like she always does. Why does she have to explain herself? Why does she have to justify the things she wants to do? She’s feeling stubborn and rebellious all of a sudden, like being a teenager that she is, which she has suppressed in her for a long time now.

“Yes, unnie. And I am serious.” She pursed her lips then took a deep breath. “I’m sorry unnie, but I wanted to spend time with Eunwoo oppa too.” Dahyun tried as much to push her agitation at the back of her mind so she could answer Sana calmly, even though deep inside she didn’t mean a single word. She also can’t help but give a passive-aggressive tone to her answer. The irritation she’s feeling still crawls on her skin like an itch. And although she feels like answering grudgingly will make it worse, mixed feelings of betrayal seeps slowly into her skull. She can’t help but feed her annoyance, like a gasoline to a wildfire. “Just like when the both of you dated other people.” She looked at Sana with a straight face, and then looked at Momo expectantly. “Momo unnie, you could understand, right?”   

Momo looked at her like she was just snapped out of her daydreaming. Her glassy eyes instantly turned into a questioning glare. It took some time for her to say or do anything and just continued to stare at Dahyun with her brows still furrowed. After a long while, Momo looked at Sana, took a deep breath, and then looked at Dahyun again. “Dahyunnie… I just… It’s just Sana and I expected that we’ll spend more time together this year. And we thought you and Eunwoo-“

“WE THOUGHT! We thought you and Eunwoo we’re just going to be the same.” Dahyun turned her face to Sana in surprise after her sudden interruption of Momo. “We thought you’re just going to be a girlfriend to him after school, as usual.” Sana rolled her eyes out of irritation.

Dahyun knows it was out of spite to Eunwoo and how he’s treating her but Dahyun can’t help but feel like somehow it’s also towards her since she let Eunwoo treat her that way. “Unnie you know the reason why we’re doing that.” She didn’t bother anymore. She feels like she’s being treated unfairly, so if she’s sounding hurt or irritated, it’s because she is. “Eunwoo oppa has been nothing but nice to me. If you actually took the time to get to know him maybe you’d know that too.”

“Then if he’s actually, really nice then can’t he just let you go so you can be with us?”

The bell rang all around the campus to signal that lunch time is over. But all Dahyun can hear was the ringing in her ears; a beat she’s very much familiar with. Her heart is beating so fast, that it demands more oxygen yet what she just heard made her breath hitch. She wanted to gasp for air but she felt helpless drowning in her feelings. She wanted to cry, to sob like a baby who was just born. She wanted to cry because all this new feelings she’s discovering now that’s being laid in every inch of her skin. She wants to cry because what she’s feeling was suddenly too much for her. She took a deep breath but it’s not enough. The very significant, very present beating of heart makes her dizzy, but a pinch to both of her shoulders stopped her from feeling momentarily. She looked at the person holding her and realized it was both Sana and Momo holding her shoulders. Upon realizing and letting it sink in that her unnies are focused on her, she stood up so fast she almost fell in the gaps of the bleachers but Momo was fast to hold her by the elbow. The touch made her eyes widen, and it made her see Momo clearly now, her face very serious and worried. She looked at Sana whose face mimic Momo’s expression. She felt a wave of emotions fill her again just by looking at her unnies’ concerned faces for her, and as if her heart’s the one in control now, all her brain can think of was a fierce _mine._

But before she could feel and think any further, she shook off Momo’s hand on her arm, then murmured a fast “I’ll talk to you later” then gathered her things as much as she could then ran off to the field. She’s grateful for the long walk so she could compose herself before doing anything. As she gets close by the cafeteria though, as if the universe were playing some sick games on her, she met Eunwoo face to face who smiled and waved at her. A long whiny _why_ flashed in her mind but she still smiled, although awkwardly, and then immediately took off to her next class.


	5. Momo Sana and Dahyun (Part 1)

It’s been a week since. A week since she’s talked properly to Sana and Momo. A week since she was faced with something she’s forced to deal with. A week since she has realized (and admitted to herself) that she’s in love. It has been a week but the feeling she felt last time still feels so fresh even up to this day. In her sleep, the moment she wakes, throughout her day she feels the wave of emotions hit her as if it’s always the first time. It’s like an allergy that she can feel from the top of her head to the tip of her toes. She wants to get rid of the itch as soon as possible, and already misses the times when she wasn’t feeling this “allergy”. It’s not the best analogy for feeling in love, she knows, but that’s the closest thing she could create in her brain that makes sense to her. She knows she should feel happy and be ecstatic at the thought of realizing you’re feeling the best feeling in the world, that she should feel elated at the feeling but as with allergy, all she somehow wanted to do was to get rid of it. To get it removed from her whole being. Feeling a sense of attachment to someone shouldn’t be the worst thing in the world but feeling it every day causes her to overthink which results to her being tired all the time, and sometimes even feeling too anxious. It’s just a feeling she could bury deep within her and give zero thoughts about, and she has tried, really, but it doesn’t help that she has two walking reminders that make her never forget of the feelings she’s tried so hard to forget.

That’s not even the “worst” of it. Dahyun thought that it would’ve been nice if it would’ve just been, maybe, a one-sided love or some unrealistic, absurd situation in falling in love that you can only see in a Korean drama. But it had to be this weird, complicated situation that makes her question everything in her being and everything around her. Dahyun will accept any kind of feelings, she will accept any type of love that is known to mankind but this is just too absurd for her to fathom.

Dahyun stared at her unnies seated rows in front of her, muting what the teacher was lecturing as well as the people around them. A feeling of longing just enveloped her and she just missed her unnies so much, as looking at them at the back is the only thing she could do as of the moment. She’d been going to school very early in the morning on her own so she could avoid her unnies for the time being. Every time her unnies try to talk to her or contact her in any way, she just comes up with whatever excuse she could think of even if. Not until she was bombarded by messages and calls on her phone from her unnies who demanded answers. To appease her worrying unnies, she told them that she wants to sort things with herself first, and with Eunwoo as well. It sounded so vague and so far from what she’s really doing and going through, but that’s the only thing she could think of that will not make her sound like there’s too much going on, and at the same time, she could stop her unnies from worrying for a while. She would have to face whatever she’s feeling sooner or later, Dahyun knows, but that’s the only thing she could give them for now. She’s thankful that they understand, and that they even gave her the distance that she needs, but avoiding them just made her long for them more and for her want to grow even more. All that changed was how clear it is now to her that all the attachment she’s feeling for her unnies was not merely their closeness, or because of friendship, or of endearment but something so, so much more. It’s all so very clear but it’s still too complicated for her. So much for sorting things out.

Dahyun closed her eyes then rubbed her face while telling herself to keep herself together, but to no avail. She misses for her unnies so much, that she’s reminded of every small detail about them. All she wanted the most right now was to be with them again. For the nth time that week all she wished was for things to just go back to normal. That she could just back to her ignorant self. She wishes she could just go back to the time where she could be with her unnies, hanging out and having fun with them, without the baggage of her feelings weighing her down. But all the present got for her was feelings so complicated that it pushes her to be away from both of her unnies as far and as long as possible. She feels like some sort of a freak right now, because who in their right mind falls in love with two people at the same time, and with two girls at that.

She tried to be aware of her surrounding again, tried to distract herself from her feelings she tried to not consider, afraid that it might consume her like a moth to a flame. She tried to listen to the lecture, and to be aware of what her classmates are doing just to feel like she’s not too far gone from overthinking again. She decided that the best way to untangle the mess in her mind, and to get through this is to make herself busy and to distract herself. But every time in this class, a small movement from either Sana or Momo and her vision automatically shifts to them. She tried again, even taking important notes this time, but her brain has a life of its own and decided to focus on her unnies again. She misses them so much she wanted to just go to them like nothing ever happened. She wanted to talk to them about everything and nothing. She wanted to touch them, hug them and be clingy with them, without her feelings shooting through the roof making her weak in the process. But all Dahyun can do right now was to think about these things. There is no way she could let anyone know, let alone her unnies, that she’s in love with both of them. She can’t even admit it to herself. Everytime she voice out her feelings, she wanted to slap herself, to flag herself at the back, to literally persecute herself, because however beautiful and fulfilling falling in love is, her logical and rational self just can’t take the fact the she’s in love with the two people she considers her best friend for years.

Dahyun continued to stare at the back of her unnies heads for the duration of the period, still contemplating and pushing and pulling her feelings, then slapping herself when she allowed herself to even just daydream about her unnies. She stared at them thoughtfully, but without intent that she didn’t even hear the bell ringing. She didn’t even see the people around her stirred as they gather their things to transfer to their next classes. She even missed her teacher yelling at them to read a chapter in about something for their next topic. Dahyun continued on staring at her unnies, but this time she’s not facing the back of their heads anymore, but staring, looking at their faces. She’s looking at it but she is not seeing them. Her head is so full of her thoughts and daydreams, she thinks it’s just her missing them so much that she imagines them looking at her, and smiling at her. She misses them, their caring smiles that are directed towards her. It made her want to smile, and to somehow reach out to them. She misses even their voices that call her name. She’s so familiar with them that she feels like they really are hearing them right now.

A faint Dahyun that sounded foreign to her distracted them for a bit, however. It made Dahyun blink, but still very much in her daydream about her unnies. But when the voice got louder that it sounded like an explosion in her ear, it made her face frown and immediately looked for where the sound came from. She looked at the back only to see Eunwoo waiting at the door, calling her name once again and telling her to hurry, his tone serious and urgent. He then saw him look towards the front of their classroom, then bowed slightly as a greeting.

That’s when Dahyun realized that almost all of her classmates were gone, and all the chairs in the room were empty. Upon realizing that the class ended, she hurriedly gathered for her things but it slowed her down a bit, her stomach jumping into a cliff once again when she realized who Eunwoo just bowed to. She looked forward for a bit but immediately lowered her glance and focused on her things, like it’s the most important, most precious things in her life. Her unnies were standing halfway through the room just staring at her, waiting for a right moment to approach her, like she’s some stray kitten that will run off with just a tiny movement from them. She mentally slapped herself realizing instead that her unnies might saw her staring at them, and it makes her so embarrassed that she could feel a blush. She mentally slapped herself though, reprimanding herself for even thinking that way. She tried composing herself, then sighed away her nerves after fixing her things. Dahyun looked at her unnies then donned a force smile towards them, then rushed to where Eunwoo stood. As Eunwoo hurriedly pulled her away to take her to her next class, she scrunched her face and scratched her eye trying to stop herself from crying. She wanted to cry off her feelings and say sorry to Eunwoo then to her unnies for feeling and being this way but all she did was be pulled off and feel the pain in her lips as she bites them to stop herself from feeling crying.

 

 

Every step, every stretch of her muscle, and every joint that she forces into movement makes Momo focus in her moving body that’s systematically engulfs itself to the music that’s booming into her ears and directly into her brain. Dancing has always been the greatest tool, at least for her, ever invented that can both express her feelings outward, but can also distract her from the things you want to avoid from the inside. It helps her turn her feelings of rage, happiness, sadness, and whatever to not just be feelings that could stale in her heart or in her brain and could eventually rot in her and turn her into something bad, but to turn it into this beautiful, creative thing that she herself has made. And although it feels good to hear tens and hundreds of people cheer for her for her creations, sometimes, it’s most satisfying seeing herself in front of a huge mirror, create and interpret her exact same feeling and turn it into something beautiful and something her own.

Dance club meeting and practice just finished and she’s volunteered to clean and close the studio so she could sneak in a dance session for herself, even if just for a few minutes. She misses freestyle dancing, as their club is usually always into choreographed dances used for stages and for audiences to enjoy. She has zero complains against choreographed dances—she likes dancing in whatever shape or form, it’s just that freestyling frees her. From the struggle she experienced from her home, to the suppression she has to make every day from being just herself, she’s taken into liking all things that help her, and all opportunities that make her feel like she’s free. And it’s in dancing, and freestyling specifically, that she feels free the most. Free from tight grasp of her father’s conservativism, and free from the prejudice of the world that cannot accept people like her.

Right now is different though. All the time she’s spent in her stolen freestyling time has been about her and her fight for her own self-expression. But right now she’s using her time as a distraction from other things, so she could focus on one of the most important things in her life. The only people whom she considers her pillar of support, and her two best friends, Sana and Dahyun. Although the biggest concern right now is Dahyun, it’s just hard to think about one of them without thinking about the other. She has been worried ever since the last time they’ve been three, and the itch to just lock herself in whatever studio she could dance in has been too much, and it doesn’t help her in acting like herself around other people, most especially around Sana.

Pretending is the least thing Momo hates to do but it’s been a part of her day to day functions. It tires her constantly but ever since the moment she matured and learned to think on her own, Momo acknowledged that lying and pretending is the easiest, most convenient way for her to get the life that she knows she deserve. She lied and pretended to her parents when she started loving dancing. It was devastating at first as a child, being that all she knew was to obey, but she would rather do that than be stuck doing something what other people wants her to do. She somehow “lies” to her classmates and to a lot of people when they just assume that she’s straight, and pretended to like some guy they’re pushing into her. Doing this protected her and kept her safe from the judging, prying eyes of society that thinks women who love women is an abomination, more than other people who continues to ostracize minority for their own selfish gains. Momo lies and pretends every day for her safety and for her freedom, and she’s used to it but it’s never the same with Sana and Dahyun.

Momo never saw a need to pretend or lie when she’s around Sana and Dahyun. It has always been natural for them, from the smallest things, to the biggest happenings or changes in their lives the three of them has always been aware of all the things that happens to each of them. Sana has been the most open one ever since they met. She has shared all the things that happen in her life, which greatly helped the both shy and timid Dahyun and Momo to share every moment of their lives as well. Whether good or bad, small achievements or great milestones in their lives, ever since they all became close, they have been each other’s support, sometimes even more than their own families (considering that Momo’s parents almost disowns her, and Sana’s parents always doing their own stuff).

But it took a different turn for Momo one day when she was hit in a face in her own self-realization that she is in love with both Sana and Dahyun. She was still with her now ex-girlfriend, Lisa, and after a month of being in a relationship, Lisa’s has voiced out more than a couple of times some dissatisfaction with Momo and their relationship. Lisa felt like an outsider in a relationship she’s in no matter how intimate she became with Momo. Every moment that they’re together, there will always be a time where Momo’s mind seem to be somewhere else. When they hang out and talk, Momo almost always constantly talk about her best friends that it alienates Lisa. It’s as if Lisa became the friend, and Sana and Dahyun are the ones Momo’s in a relationship with.

Despite hearing it for the first time, somehow in Momo’s mind a missing piece of a puzzle gently fits into a picture in her brain that she’s not even realizing that is forming. She tried to erase the thought and tried to focus on the present situation instead. But the impact of just the thought of Lisa getting jealous of her friends just laid heavily in her head still that she can’t even think of any excuse or to even show a bit of confidence to Lisa about how much she cares for her and how much she really likes her. She can’t even fabricate a single word of assurance that could relieve Lisa’s doubts that all she could give Lisa, to at least show that she cares, is a hug-- a hug as tight and as long as she can give. She hopes that the hug could at least comfort Lisa for a bit, because Momo knows in her heart that she really does care about Lisa, and the last thing she wants is to hurt the first person who really understood her and liked her for who she is. She felt so lucky to have met Lisa, and she’s so much thankful. But as she tightens the hug more, it felt more as if Momo’s latching into Lisa more, as if using the hug as support. The support she needs to realize that it should be Lisa that should be occupying her thoughts. But all Momo could do was to hold tighter, because realizing that a huge part of her is even thinking of Sana and Dahyun right now when she should be focusing on her relationship, makes her hold on to Lisa and pray to all the gods that what Lisa is seeing, is just her being best friends to Sana and Dahyun, and nothing more.

Momo and Lisa’s relationship wasn’t able to push through their first conflict, though. Momo tried to slowly and carefully solve and think of ways to remove all of Lisa’s doubts about her, without involving her best friends as much as possible, but to no avail. She thought of doing and showing Lisa the grandest of gestures (as grandest as a closeted lesbian could afford to do), and it kind of worked at first but eventually, instead of a touching reconciliation full of hugs and kisses that she expected, all she got from Lisa was a line she could never forget up until now: “Almost all your life, you fought through to get what you want, and you worked hard to chase your dreams. It shouldn’t be hard listening to your heart and giving it what it truly wants.” This forced Momo to evaluate her feelings which made her take a step back and think of all the things she knew and all the experiences she had with Sana and Dahyun. It made her realize the their friendship was something more to her, and for the first time in years she’s been with Sana and Dahyun, she sees herself pretending to herself and even around her best friends. Even if her feelings are already as clear as day to her, she is hit yet again of a decision of keeping things to herself. Because even though lying and pretending is the last thing she wants to do to her best friends, this new thing that she was just discovering will be the last thing that will keep her away from the two most important people in her life.

As the music stopped, Momo made her last turn and did a perfect pose to end her dance. She tried to focus on her breathing, to at least prepare herself before she starts thinking too much about their conflict that’s been occupying her that hinders her from keeping her feelings to herself. But as soon as she dropped her hands and stood in place, all the things that bottled and stored in her brain trickled down in her, like an hourglass tipped over as soon as the other side’s been emptied. Almost every day since Lisa said those words to her, whenever she’s left alone in her feelings, it echoes in her head like a reminder of sorts. It echoes in her head most especially loud today while thinking of Sana and Dahyun. As she drowns once more in her feelings, and be defeated once again by her heart, she made her way to the mirrored wall in front of her, and sat there while she deeply contemplates her current situation.

She was distracted, however, by a figure that suddenly appeared in the studio’s door. The distraction was a surprise to her, but nonetheless, she welcomed it because if there was one thing that made her like Lisa, it was her shy yet sure smile that will for sure make other girls fall in love with her.

“Hey, what are you still doing here?” Lisa asked as she approaches the benches opposite the wall that Momo’s leaning to.

“Just about to clean up and close. You looking for something?”

Just as Momo asked Lisa, she grabbed something from under the bench and showed Momo her phone and waved it to her, which then made Momo smirk, as she remembers Lisa’s clumsy moments in the past. The past that wasn’t that much too long ago, which then reminded Momo of how they broke up, which led her to think of Sana and Dahyun whom she misses very much. It made her sigh so loud it turned Lisa’s smiling face into a concerned one.

“Woah. You okay? That sigh sounded so heavy.” Lisa made her way to where Momo was and sat beside her.

Momo took a deep breath again, but slowly this time. She’s sacred that Lisa might worry too much about her, and she’s undeserving of her worry.

She then shook her head then answered, “It’s nothing. I was just… thinking.”

Lisa nodded then looked at Momo’s face that looks like she’s thinking about nothing and just staring at nothing which make her face look like she’s getting sleepy, but she knows the gears in Momo’s brain is moving and working full time, and that she’s really in deep thought.

Lisa knows it might take a while for Momo to get out from her train of thought as overthinking is her way of solving problems or getting out of a slump, so she shook her out of her brain by literally shaking her shoulder. It might seem like she’s overstaying and should probably just leave Momo alone but at least from what she understood about Momo when they were still together, when she’s alone overthinking in a dance studio, there’s something bothering her that she can’t even talk about it to her best friends so she settles for what she’s used to doing: dancing and thinking and being on her own. And, despite their history, Lisa still cares about Momo as a friend and would never mind helping Momo, or even just listen to her so she won’t have to carry all the heavy burden on her own.

“You know you can still talk to me right?” Lisa gave Momo a concerned smile, to which Momo returned with a cautious half smile. Momo’s smirk evolved to a full on smile eventually, and nodded to Lisa’s invitation, because someone who listens and gives a little insight is what might she just need right now.

“Me and Sana and Dahyun had a little conflict.” Momo started as she looks on the ground, a bit ashamed because even after all that happened to them and Lisa, she’s still talking about Sana and Dahyun and she almost laughed at the irony.

“Trouble in paradise, huh?” Lisa smirked, a bit amused that her hunch was correct.

Momo was a bit taken aback at what Lisa said that it made her furrow her eyebrow and made her smile a bit bashfully, as if she was caught red handed. “What do you mean?”  
Lisa laughed teasingly and said, “I don’t know. You tell me.” Then smirked at Momo, to which Momo replied with an eye roll.

“I thought you’re here to help and listen.” Lisa laughed at Momo, but turned serious after a while after the word “help” that Momo mentioned made her remember something.  
“You know what my biggest take away was from our break up?” She turned her head away from Momo and looked straight then sat straight, as if to prepare herself from carrying something heavy. She feels Momo look to her which made her continue.

“I realized that when I told you… That when I told us that we should just stop and break up, I realized that the reason why you didn’t object and just agreed to it was because deep inside you already know your feelings. And it isn’t with me.”

Lisa eventually dropped her shoulders and slumped on the wall behind her and continued, “I know you may have a lot of questions right now, and you feel like you need ‘help’ answering them but overthinking will certainly not help you. Maybe the answer you’re looking for and the help that you need is just literally in front of you and has been for a long while now. And you might even know this already. So overthinking definitely isn’t the action you should be doing but something else. Like, I don’t know, talking maybe?”  
This time Lisa held both Momo’s shoulder so she could face her so she could instill what she’s going to say properly, “Listen. You’ve worked hard for your dreams, and you’ve been fighting hard to become who you are. The last thing you should be right now is be afraid.”

At Lisa’s words, Sana and Dahyun’s face comes to Momo’s mind automatically. Every step of her journey has been with them and it made her realize that every time that she feels hopeless or afraid, Sana and Dahyun is always there giving her the push and affection she needed. It’s always been them that made her believe that she can do anything she wants, and that she can be who she wants. All those female idols might be the ones who made her realize that she’s gay, but it was Sana and Dahyun that made her feel love. They made her feel loved and accepted that in turn made her accept and love who she is. She realized what they meant to her before, but the capacity and weight they have on her life right now is that of a heart to a human being. Sana and Dahyun is her heart, and right now, she misses them so much that all she wanted to do run to where they are, conflict be damned, and kiss and smother her face on theirs and tell them how much they mean to her and how much thankful she is that she has them in her life.  
Lisa shouting her name pulled her out of her Sana-and-Dahyun trance, which then made Momo realize that Lisa is still there in front of her. She felt so thankful for the advice that after realizing that Lisa is just at arm’s length in front of her, she hugged her so tight and murmured a ‘thank you’. After making sure Momo was okay, Lisa left her but not without Momo thanking her again and hugging her because if not for her, she wouldn’t have come up with any solution to their current situation. She then started cleaning the studio, and after making sure everything is in order, she locked the door, and texted Sana right after, telling her that she’s on her way to pick her up.

 

 

After contemplating in front of her locker what books she should bring home and what she should leave, Sana made her way to the student council office. On her way there, she met with Jeongyeon, a fellow student council officer, and one of her closest friends in the committee (despite their competition for the same positions for the past years and even up to now). It isn’t a rare occurrence, though, as Jeongyeon’s locker is on the way to their office. A tension might seem evident between them from an outsider’s point of view, but outside the politics, Sana has considered Jeongyeon as one of her confidants.

Silly banters and school rants is typically what Sana and Jeongyeon fill their time with while walking to their office, but after what happened to her and Momo, and Dahyun, all the while juggling school and the council, it made Sana want to conserve her energy as much as possible. She wants to think about it, and to focus on finding ways to bring Dahyun back to them but right now, since she and Momo agreed to give Dahyun space for a while (which they both regretted), she rather leave her head blank for the time being. She may already have what it takes to at least be nominated for any position she aspires for, and she’s willing to set aside her problems for a little while so as not to risk the things she’s worked hard for to be part of the student council.

It was still a bit early for the council meeting, and people are still probably on their way, when Sana and Jeongyeon arrived in the office. It made it more obvious when the only person they saw the moment they walk in was Jihyo who was busy writing the schedule for the agenda of their meeting. As if they weren’t in a middle of a conversation, Jeongyeon dropped everything she was holding and went straight to their busy hoobae. Jeongyeon started pestering Jihyo, much to the younger’s surprise despite how insistent Jeongyeon has been for weeks on asking Jihyo to date her. But despite being the conservative one, it’s pretty obvious that Jihyo is already smitten to Jeongyeon. Sana doesn’t blame Jihyo though if she wanted to be safe. Their school has seen a lot of scandals that could either make or break a person, so being safe is the smartest thing you could be. Being safe takes away your happiness though, Sana thought as she deadpans at the couple in front of her, as her thoughts went yet again to Momo and Dahyun.

As usual, any form of distractions has no space in the student council office. The moment people started to fill in the seats inside the office, their sunbaes, including Sana and Jeongyeon, started organizing all the events that they have to plan throughout the school year. Planning actually started from the first meeting they had on the first day of school since it could be a lot for a committee with only a handful of members, especially to the officers. So this, alongside Dahyun’s situation, filled up Sana’s plate so fast she herself is amazed that she can still keep up with her lessons. The council, her academics, and the problem the three of them are facing felt like a huge avalanche that was about to suffocate her when it all started, but currently she’s just thankful that the council keeps her busy to the point that she’s stopped herself from obsessing on planning to get Dahyun back to her and Momo. She really hated their situation right now. She’s frustrated and a bit hurt, and she would really just like to go back to the way things are, but given that Dahyun can’t even talk to them and fix things with them right away means that there’s something bigger that’s going on with Dahyun. And as much as she wants to just fix things right away, she knows she can’t think straight with her feelings clouding he mind. Just thinking of Dahyun, Momo and their friendship just somehow elicits so many feelings in her, and she wanted to hate it, because none of it is logical or helpful in Sana’s plans on getting them back together. So maybe, it’s not just Dahyun who needed space, but the three of them. Sana welcomes the distraction as a little bit pile of work was given to them by their president as the meeting draws to a close.

They’ve seen it happen: the incumbent president giving the aspiring ones some of their work so that they can be familiarized with what they have to handle when one of them gets lucky to have the seat. It’s just a little bit of work for now since the council is just in the planning stage, but when they start implementing what they have planned , starting from the first school event, it will be so exhausting to the point that they will not even feel it happening. Just thinking of it while working on her current tasks makes Sana imagine the exhaustion that’s going to toll on them, but she welcomed it. Plus she’s just glad that Jeongyeon is there to carry the burden with her. One of the plans that they have to work hard on is the elections. Both of them are running for the same position, but the competition just made Sana more excited. They have been competing since their first year of high school, and if not for their closeness, she would’ve despised the election rather than be excited for it.

The competition was exceptionally brutal the first time Sana ran for the elections. It was most difficult for her as well since she thought of challenging the current administration, but she was ready for anything. She was ready to fight whoever she needs to just so she could be of service to the students of their school. And that was just what she did when she met Jeongyeon. She tried, as much as she can, to civilly push Jeongyeon out of the polls, and she’s done it successfully. In her first year, Sana was seated as the student council’s secretary. Jeongyeon was a great sport throughout the whole thing, and their competitive relationship ended just like that, but they continued to be civil as committee members.

But just as Sana was enjoying her success, issues were brought out and made her look bad that it almost took away her position in the council. She thought that the council will be the first ones to disown her, but it never happened. It was even Jeongyeon who were the first one who helped her clear out her name. Sana was really doubtful at first given their history, but Jeongyeon later confessed to her that the sole purpose of her helping Sana is because she can relate to her. Jeongyeon came out to Sana as bisexual as well, and her supporting Sana is just commending Sana for being brave for who she is—something that Jeongyeon wouldn’t have the guts to do. Since then, despite the heavy competition that they were exposed to, Sana and Jeongyeon became closer and closer each day. People were doubtful, but Sana and Jeongyeon know each other enough that people’s opinions don’t matter to them anymore.

Sana, however, found herself in a dilemma recently about Jeongyeon and their friendship. Sana was, and is forever thankful for what Jeongyeon has done to help her out of the shit she had been through in their early years. Since then, besides Momo and Dahyun, Sana has carefully established a good rapport with Jeongyeon that when there are things (mostly school and the council) that she wouldn’t be able to speak about with her best friends, it’s Jeongyeon that she relies onto. Sana is confident enough to declare that Jeongyeon is the same as her. Even more so since it’s only Sana that knows that she prefers both guys and girls. But ever since Jeongyeon has started to discreetly look for people to date in their school, Sana has felt that the line between friends and an outsider has become vague to the point that she doesn’t even know what to say or what to do with Jeongyeon. There is definitely nothing wrong with Jeongyeon dating anyone she likes. The only problem is that Yoo Jeongyeon is dating, and is fully committed to the school’s previous MVP, Kang Seungyoon.

The whole school has seen the school’s most popular athlete, Seungyoon, and the school’s greatest achiever, Jeongyeon’s relationship bloom and has ever since even though Seungyoon already graduated and is now in college. People were literally shocked when they saw Jeongyeon date other people, and have then assumed that she and Seungyoon has broken up. Sana was one of them. But on one of their conversations, Jeongyeon nonchalantly admitted that she’s still committed to their sunbae and has never broken off their relationship not even once.

  _WHAT?? Idgi. u serious?_

_Yep. We talked about it._  
_Talked about what? That youre going to date other people_  
_even tho youre still together? What in a world??!?!_

_Yes thats basically it._

_I know it sounds so super weird but we talked about it_

_And we agreed that it will make ldr less bad than it actually is_

_And it will make our relationship stronger. I know it_

_And who fed u all that bullshit? Seungyoon sunbaenim?_

_I was actually the one who offered it._

_YOO JEONGYEON!_

_WHAT? He accepted my sexuality_

_and agreed to let me discover it so I will_

_in the expese of other people? Unless_

_unless what?_

_unless u tell other people that you wanna date them but_  
_ur still really dating sunbenim?????_

_Really how does it work????????_

_Idk and honestly idc_  
_but what I know is I wanna ask so many people on a date_

_U don’t even know_

 

After rereading their texts, Sana looked over to Jeongyeon who, same as her was busy with her phone than with her laptop in front of her. It’s been over an hour since Sana and Jeongyeon were left in the office to do their extra work. Since both were working together and has made enough progress in finishing their tasks, they decided to take a little break so as to not burn themselves out.

It isn’t really the time to concern herself with matters about other people, but Sana, as usual got curious for her own good. She started web searching Jeongyeon’s situation on her phone and saw questions a bit similar to her friend’s situation, and also stumbled upon a term “open relationship”. Upon reading it she typed it on the search bar, and learned that it is a normal thing mostly in western countries. She learned though that what Jeongyeon and Seungyoon are doing is not a good practice of the said kind of relationship. She was about to copy and send a link to Jeongyeon of what she just read, when she has discovered a term that she’s familiar with, but has not thought about seeing the term in a context of being in a relationship.

Poly relationship is to have open romantic relationships with more than one person at a time. Sana read and reread the definition and all the articles about her new found discovery. She looked at pictures and even read forums. And as she does, she suddenly felt herself feeling excited, but confused. She’s feeling like she’d discovered something new from her research, but it made her feel like, somehow, she’s seen it before, lived it. She thinks about this new, yet familiar concept and she can’t help but let her mind wander to Dahyun and Momo. The sudden thought of her best friends made her blush, made her feel a bit ashamed that she’s thinking of her best friends after reading all those things about having a relationship with multiple people. It made her feel conscious all of a sudden that it made her look towards where Jeongyeon was. Thankfully her friend is still busy with her phone to even notice any change in her, and just looking at Jeongyeon made her tiny bit of shame turn into a strong, fire-like feeling that consumes her. Just a while ago she was criticizing Jeongyeon and her actions, and all of a sudden she sees herself in a similar situation as her friend was.

She was taken aback. She cleared her head for a moment, and shook her head. Just because I’m thinking of my best friends doesn’t mean I want to have a romantic relationship with the both of them… no. No. But just thinking about it out loud piled up different kinds of deep feelings in her and it felt so heavy in her chest that she has to carefully raise her hand and clutch her chest, scared that whatever these feelings are, if she’s not careful in handling them, might burst out of her being and go straight to where the source it’s coming from. She blinked once, twice, and then scrunched her eyebrows. Did she just become just like Jeongyeon? She shook her head once again, and composed herself. Theirs is different. They’re different because the three of them are loyal to each other. If the three of them could, they would put each other as their own priority above other people. That Sana knows as much for sure. Sana knows that if they all decided to be committed to one another, in whatever kind of relationship, she knows they won’t have to resort to looking for other people because for them, for Sana, Momo and Dahyun will be enough. They will be enough to fill her being with love and happiness that Sana wouldn’t have to look for anyone else. And that’s when she realized that what she just read was something she has felt and wanted, but is obviously very wary of how dangerous it could be.

All these time, all her feelings, she just consider them as friendship, because what else would she be feeling for them but just friendship. But she knows deep down that she’s feeling a deeper affinity to the two of them beyond friendship, and she’s been keeping herself in check because that’s what the norm dictates. But ever since the three of them became close, every day her feelings just grows and grows that all she ever thinks about is being with her best friends all the time. Suddenly this newfound term, this newfound label made more sense in her brain than friendship. It all clicked in her brain suddenly, and her thoughts take her back to the last time she talked to Dahyun face to face in the bleachers. All that’s imprinted in Sana’s memories was Dahyun’s face, full of realization mixed with confusion and fear. Thinking back to what made Dahyun run from them that day; Sana was reminded by what she said last to Dahyun. That simple line from her, and how Dahyun reacted all made sense to her now, and all she wanted to do right now was to talk to Dahyun and to Momo about all the things that happened, and just be with them and touch them because she misses them so much.

Sana was cut out of her thoughts of her best friends when she felt her phone vibrate from her grasp. It was Momo messaging her that she’s on her way to pick her up, and it made her smile. Such a simple, tiny thing that was a routine for them every day made her smile her most genuine smile she’s had in weeks.


	6. Momo Sana and Dahyun (Part 2)

_One week. Five days. Eighteen hours._

Dahyun can go on, counting down the times that she’s last been with her unnies. She just finished homework, and is just lying down on her bed, reading (more like staring) a book for their literature class but not a thing comes to her. She’s bored out of her wits, and she misses her unnies the most, so all that she can do right now was count and count until she pushes her mind into the crazy side of her brain. To prevent this, she looked at her clock, then she looked at her book, then she looked at Eunwoo who is seated on her study desk, also reading a book, obviously making much more progress than her by how much flipping and writing he’s done by the past minute.

Honestly, Dahyun would very much prefer being alone and have some rest, but since Eunwoo even walks her up to her house now, it gives her mother an opportunity to push her more further to Eunwoo that she even allows her daughter to hang out with a boy in her own room. Just thinking about it almost gives her a headache, so she just let things be. But she’s somehow thankful for Eunwoo’s presence. Dahyun even welcomes him as a sort of a guard to keep herself sane because she might really turn crazy just from overthinking, and from missing her unnies so much. Feeling defeated by the book she tried so much to comprehend, Dahyun succumbed to the fact that nothing will seep into her brain so she carefully folded the page she last read and put the book down on her bed. She checked on Eunwoo again but it seems like he’s in his own world, writing and looking back at the book every now and then, too busy to notice Dahyun. Dahyun lets him be, then she decided to scooch down towards the foot of the bed, and that’s when she laid down with her head hanging by the edge. She closed her eyes, letting herself think whatever her brain decides, thankful to God that He made it that whatever thoughts human beings have; it stays there for no one to hear and no one to invade.

Not only did her brain decide what it wants to think, Dahyun also let her heart dictate what feelings her thought will accommodate. And so as if like an automatic machine, the first few things that her brain produced are her unnies’ smiling faces. It seemed so long since she saw them, and the feeling of regret for taking them for granted filled her. It may be because she’s living right in the moment when she was with them, or because she saw her unnies’ smile so much around her that she never thought to cherish them so much. It’s been weeks since she saw them smile, and hear the sound of their laugh that it almost fills her eyes with tears. At the same time, she wanted to laugh at herself because never has she thought that she will be able to feel something like this, just because she missed someone so much. _If you miss them so much you know what you need to do, and yet after weeks you still decided to be stupid and not do anything._ The thought made Dahyun hit her head on the foot of the bed a couple of times, to which made Eunwoo rush to her dangling head. After reassuring him that she’s okay and was just thinking about school, Eunwoo lets her be again, but stayed and seated on the floor beside her head leaning his back to where Dahyun was just hitting her head a while ago.

Dahyun did not mind the closeness, but it still made her too conscious to even think about something else. Eunwoo was still obviously worried about her that it made her stay by her side even though he was still busy with his book. All of Eunwoo’s actions just now just added to a lot of guilt that she’s feeling towards him for the past days. It’s true that they have been hanging out together almost throughout the day, but all Dahyun has been to Eunwoo most of the time was a companion. The guilt all came from not being proactive towards their relationship, compared to how Eunwoo’s friends’ girlfriends has been towards their boyfriends. All the times that they have been hanging out or doing couple things has been either Eunwoo’s initiative, or from other people around them. But Dahyun cannot, for the life of her, do or think of anything for Eunwoo and their relationship. Whatever she’s thinking of doing somehow reroutes its way to the thought of doing it with her unnies that it makes her stop at was she’s planning altogether and just let’s Eunwoo decide for the both of them. Dahyun, feeling frustrated, covered her face and rubbed it hard, hoping that doing so will somehow change the current thoughts that’s plaguing her mind. She then decided to look for her phone so she won’t have to think of anything. By the time she stood to look for her phone up until she laid down on her bed again, she can feel Eunwoo direct his attention from his book to her, and the feeling of guilt starts to bubble from inside her again but she doesn’t care. She just wants to get her phone as fast as she can so she can let her device decide what to let her brain think.

It was supposed to be the usual time she’s having anytime she decides to open and check her social media accounts. She would check for the recent posts, update herself with what’s new with some of the people she may, or may not know personally, check their school board, and occasionally check her e-mail as well. It was like that at first, but as soon as she decided to check the feed of her photo sharing account, her mood was dampened greatly that it made her sit up from her bed not believing what she was seeing. It was a photo of Jeongyeon, another sunbae beside her that she’s a little bit familiar with, and Sana and Momo, in what seem to be a fast food restaurant. It should’ve been a normal picture of friends and classmates hanging out after school, but the photo spiked a negative feeling in Dahyun. At most she felt extremely left out. She felt as if she was being replaced, and that her unnies have new friends and are moving on without her. Just a while ago she was feeling devastated at how she missed her unnies and their smiles, but now seeing their smiles not being directed only at her but for a different purpose entirely made her feel like she was cheated. Her feelings of disbelief and envy escalated so quickly that she herself can’t keep up and all she could do was sit still in the middle of her bed, whilst looking and zooming at her unnies’ picture every now and then.

After sulking uselessly for a little while, still awkwardly sitting on the middle of her bed, Dahyun locked her phone whilst still letting negative feelings eat her from the inside, which is not the feeling she would want because there are better ways to be. For one, she could rationalize that, of course, her unnies’ lives just don’t orbit around hers, whether they are together or not. She could also choose to remember that literally every single day, Sana and Momo message her possibly from the morning they wake up, and a couple more times throughout the day. So whether they are together or not, a single picture should not make her feel like she was already forgotten by the two most important people in her life. But the feeling of jealousy still remained in her, which then started to blind her of rationality, that pushed her to do things she might regret later on.

After taking a deep breath, Dahyun decided that she shouldn’t feel like she is left behind, unnoticed. Someone chose her, and chose to be with her, and that someone is her Eunwoo oppa. She stood up, and then went straight to sit beside Eunwoo on the floor at the end of her bed. Dahyun faced Eunwoo’s side, looking and observing her oppa reading his book. Eunwoo then slowly looked to her after making her presence obvious, and then smiling at her to further acknowledge her. She was then asked if she wanted something to which Dahyun shook her head to, and then proceeded to lean her back on the frame of her bed, seating closer to her oppa’s side. To Eunwoo’s surprise (which made obvious by how straight his stance became, and how he stopped reading altogether), Dahyun put her head on Eunwoo’s shoulder, and then pulled her knees close to her chest whilst closing her eyes shut—an action that shows how Dahyun is just realizing how she’s using Eunwoo yet again, but she can’t help herself.

A few minutes or so, gone and went. Dahyun felt Eunwoo slump and relax, and move a little more, possibly adjusting to her sudden skinship. She tightens her closed eyes, and scrunched her eyebrows, becoming hyperaware of every tiniest movement from Eunwoo, and how very awkward she’s feeling right now. Her action should comfort her, to make her feel better after looking at her unnies being happy without her, but all she’s feelings now is uncomfortable and regret. She heaved a deep sigh, realizing how, despite being one of the smartest in her year, she’s really not the smartest when it comes to handling emotions and relationships. After suddenly feeling tired and disappointed of herself and how she handles things, she felt a hand on her hair, and a small ‘Dahyun-ah’ from the boy beside her.

Dahyun lifted her head from Eunwoo’s shoulder, and faced him, her head now leaning on the end of her mattress, and her back still leaning the frame of her bed. Eunwoo looked directly on her face the moment he looked at her side, which made their face so close to each other. If this was some TV drama, it would have been a perfect scene. If only Dahyun’s feelings and thoughts match this scene, but it clearly wasn’t. And if Dahyun were to surmise what’s going to happen next based on all the TV drama and movies she’s scene, she’s got a pretty good guess what’s going to happen next. She moved her head back slowly, and in little distances as to not offend the man in front of her. But as she was doing so, as if on cue, Eunwoo asked her a question that would have been a confirmation of her theory, but still a surprising one nonetheless.

“Is it okay if I kiss you?” Eunwoo asked shyly, he was almost whispering, as if afraid that all of the Kim household will hear his bold question. After muttering his question, he smiled awkwardly, and really all Dahyun can do is stare at his face. The question, the situation felt to Dahyun as if she’s somewhere else, and not there are the scene. Looking at Eunwoo’s face felt like she was watching a rom-com movie while she’s just watching as an audience waiting for the scene to progress.  It felt like an out-of-body experience to her, and it seriously bothered her. It bothered her that she can’t even be present in this beautiful moment that’s happening to her. She’s bothered that all she’s thinking about was how she could get away from this current situation. She’s looking at her oppa once again while thinking, _just what the hell am I doing right now._ The thought shook her that it pushed her to do something. And that something is to not kiss this boy in front of her because doing that will just result to more hurt, and confused feelings, and Dahyun is just tired.

Dahyun detached herself from her bed and turned her body so she’s fully facing Eunwoo. Eunwoo’s confused, and his slightly panicked face now more evident compared to his shy boy face just a while ago. He mirrored Dahyun, and she’s actually glad, because now both of them are in the same scene together.

“I’m sorry oppa. But can I ask you a question?” Dahyun started, and Eunwoo became more confused, and even though he might be feeling disappointed it doesn’t show. Eunwoo then nodded his head after a while, and Dahyun just feels a sudden gush of feelings of admiration for the boy in front of her because he’s too good for and to her.

Despite the feeling, Dahyun continued, “Do you really like me?” To which Eunwoo replied a fast ‘of course’, to which Dahyun is reminded of the time her parents asked her the similar question when she was younger. She knows and is familiar with it. It’s the kind of answer that is used to appease the person asking.

“Enough to kiss me?” Her question made Eunwoo smile, a smile that made her question seem so ridiculous that it should be invalid, but to Dahyun’s perspective his smile just shows defensiveness.

“Will   I ask you if I didn’t want to kiss you?” There it is: the defensiveness. It made Dahyun smile; a bit proud of herself at how she’s handling things. She then nodded at Eunwoo’s answer in understanding, but she’s not done yet.

“Then… Do you love me?” Dahyun didn’t want to come off as confronting, or as if she’s testing Eunwoo’s feelings for her. All she wanted to do was for Eunwoo to realize himself that this thing between them isn’t real, and that what they’re doing is out of convenience. She wants for him to realize that once and for all so they won’t have to use each other any longer, and so that they could finally be free to be with people they really like. She’s doing this out of concern of Eunwoo. And by default she’s helping herself as well. It’s just a win-win situation for the both of them.  

This time it took a longer time for Eunwoo to answer, which is to be expected. She then continued, “I think we owe it to each other, and to ourselves, to be honest with our feelings.”

Dahyun all of a sudden felt guilty. She’s guilty at the fact that she used him, and didn’t even properly treat him as her boyfriend even just for a small act. But as she held both of Eunwoo’s hands, and as she moved closer to him, she realized that they are both in this scene. They are both part of this play they both started, and it wasn’t just Dahyun who’s in the starring role, but Eunwoo as well. Before she started to speak, she breathed deeply, as if to carefully organize her thoughts, nervous that what she’s about to say might come off as bad to Eunwoo’s ears.

“Oppa… We both know why we started this relationship. We both know why our arrangement was different from the start…” And before Dahyun could continue, Eunwoo nodded then continued, “It was because we’re pushed to each other.”

“Then it became normal to us because people see it _that_ way. Even if we ourselves don’t.” Dahyun added with ease. The burden in her chest slowly, carefully lifts as their conversation became more of a dialogue.

“And I started this.” Eunwoo took his own hands and rubbed his face, to which Dahyun translated as ‘What was I thinking.’ And it made her chuckle. But Dahyun reassured him, telling him that she has as much a part on this as Eunwoo. After reassuring each other and comforting each other, they have come to a realization and understanding, and even agreed to talk to their respective parents who are their relationship’s biggest supporters. Their talk puts a genuine smile in Dahyun’s face, something that she hasn’t done in days. A huge chunk of worry was lifted off from her being and she’s glad and proud at herself and even her Eunwoo oppa, because they were smart and mature enough in handling their relationship, even if they only get to do that towards the end of it.

 

 

Dahyun came back to her room after sending Eunwoo off, fixing her stuff and her bed for a little bit, out of enthusiasm than necessity which was how she was functioning on a daily basis for the past week. It seemed so far away—how she functioned like a robot for the past days because of her problems. But now she could honestly feel like everything is going to be okay, just as how she and Eunwoo handled their break up. While arranging her desk, her phone blasted Sana’s voice singing a Disney song, the ringtone she assigned when her unnie is calling. She almost spilled her can of pens at the sound of her unnie’s playful voice that she hasn’t heard in a while. She rushed to her phone on her bed but wasn’t able to get her phone. She’s so shocked to answer the call that it eventually stopped ringing, and so her phone went back to its usual lock screen just with a new notification that she missed a call.

A panic rises in her. But so is excitement. It’s not that this is the first time her unnies called her after their “conflict”. The first few days of not talking to them resulted to her unnies calling her and texting her as much as they can in a day. But after asking them for space, they toned it down and resorted to just texting her. So now the thought of actually talking to them and hearing their voice, most especially now since he’s not with Eunwoo anymore, makes her nervous and excited that she might just combust the moment she presses the answer button. Another moment’s passed and she’s now just staring at her phone, locking and unlocking it, waiting for her Sana or Momo unnie’s singing voice to fill her room. She’s now regretting not answering her phone so now she’s slightly anxious because it might not happen again and _why are they not calling again._

Another sigh and the anxiousness pushed her to just lie on her bed while still checking on her phone. But the moment she’s starting to beat herself up and feeling like the whole world is unfair made her stop and made her feel extremely ridiculous. It’s been weeks since she’s been avoiding them and she misses them immensely, and she will admit that a little bit of pride gets in a way of her contacting her unnies first, but it’s different now. Eunwoo has been her main excuse, and some other more, but she’s not with him anymore, so talking to them shouldn’t be this hard nor should it be a competition of who should do it first. She also owes it to her unnies to make a move now since it’s always Sana and Momo who always shows how much they miss her and how they still care for her. The feeling of so much regret fills her, and she almost curled herself on her bed because of how much sorry she feels for making things so complicated, but she doesn’t let it stay. She won’t let unnecessary feelings stay in her being anymore because it just make things worse. She instead uses her feelings to fuel a small bravery in her that it made her rise from her bed and went straight to unlocking her phone to call Sana back. She almost pressed the phone logo, but retracted her finger that is now shaking in anxiousness. She could push back all other feelings but anxiety. Because of this she just resorted to texting her unnies, which made her put her phone screen down after and stack some pillows on it (but not without setting its volume on high).

_Sana unnie im sorry I missed your call_

_Im not busy now its ok if u wanna call again_

 

 

The magical wind chime (that she assigned to both Dahyun and Momo when they message her) that emitted from Sana’s phone almost made her choke on the drink she’s slowly sipping. Sana looked slowly to Momo, who is obviously unaware of what just happened, and violently showed her phone with the current notification it has on it. Sana would’ve laughed at Momo almost choking on her drink if only it wasn’t the same reaction she had when her phone chimed. Sana thanked all the gods she could, thankful that they decided to stay in a nearby café, because if they were in the comfort of their own privacy, they would’ve done more than just vibrate excessively from too much excitement and happiness from receiving such a simple message from the girl that they’ve been “wooing” for weeks now.

The day Sana discovered about polyamory, which is the same day Momo talked with Lisa, was the day the two talked about the situation the three of them are in and the feelings that are attached with it. They briefly talked about it, but the thought of talking about it without Dahyun felt to them like the pieces of the whole picture wasn’t complete. So the two of them did what they can to talk to Dahyun, without pressing her too much. So they decided to just send her texts every day and then hope that Dahyun will be brave enough to talk to them, despite the Eunwoo situation. But the long thread of them just waiting and checking their phones ended today, right when they were about to lose hope.

A small café near Dahyun’s had been Momo and Sana’s hideout in some days that they decided to have a “Dahyun text brigade”. They both decided to stay there so when the time comes where Dahyun decides she’s ready to talk to them, they will just have to walk a couple minutes and they’re there for her pronto. It’s actually almost the same with each of their houses, but they agreed on the reason that the café was a change in environment. And so the usual plan was about to commence for today, but just as they were to settle on one of the couches (and cuddle for a little bit), they saw Dahyun’s brother coming to the coffee shop.

“Oh hey! You guys are here.” Dahyun’s brother greeted them, to which they replied with a formal greeting and a bow. Thinking that the exchange was over, the two of them almost went on and settle down, but since the queue was a bit long, the elder continued talking to them.

“Why isn’t our Dahyun with you? Oh wait never mind that question she’s with Eunwoo at home. I forgot.” The two of them entertained the elder for a while until it’s his turn to order. The two of them went from accommodating, to gloomy. They greeted the elder for the last time, and after that, the two of them slumped on each other as if on defeat, not even thinking about the texting brigade anymore.

“They even hang out in her house now?! I’m-“, Sana enraged at the thought suddenly wanted to kick on anything she can reach. Momo on the other hand is making all these different faces, possibly imagining scenarios on her head of Dahyun and Eunwoo alone in a room. Both were obviously very blinded by jealousy that they didn’t even notice that their food and drinks are being served at their table. Apparently, jealousy could also make you mute and paralyze because after a while of angry thoughts, and after realizing that their food is already there, the two just started munching and eating without even actually tasting the food. Their thoughts are still filled with different scenarios that they cannot even enjoy the food that’s served to them.

After finishing their food, and ranting some more, something caught Momo’s peripheral vision by the glass windows of the café. It was Eunwoo walking in front of the café. Momo hurriedly called for Sana’s attention and it made her stand so fast, and in only a couple steps she could’ve gone to where the boy is but Momo held her hand. She pulled her down trying so hard to calm her even if she herself isn’t feeling calm. Sana was about to sulk, when an idea popped in her brain and it’s the perfect time they could do it. Sana sighed to calm herself down and went looking for her phone. After unlocking it, she dialed Dahyun’s number and then settled her chin on Momo’s shoulder, wanting to be as close to the other girl as possible to give her support. Momo then looked at her, her eyes filed with anticipation, hoping so hard that this call will be their chance to talk to their Dahyun.

A set of rings has passed and all Sana can hear now was the machine voice of a lady telling her that the phone wasn’t able to go through but leaving a message is an option. This made Sana move her chin from Momo’s shoulder and leaned her closed eyes instead, feeling extremely defeated at the no response. They didn’t care anymore at this point. They were already willing to give up and accept Dahyun’s relationship with Eunwoo so long as Dahyun will talk to them in any way.

Momo and Sana’s mood turned a complete 360 though, after the texts from Dahyun came. The thought of giving up to Eunwoo was suddenly a forgotten thought. A series of not-so-silent oh my gods, and a suppressed jumpy Momo were the results of those simple texts from Dahyun.Iif they were being honest, they could’ve been satisfied with just a “hello”, but the thought of Dahyun being ready to talk even through just a phone call is such a success to the both of them already. And of course they wouldn’t let the chance pass by.

The thought of another unanswered call tampered with their hope so bad so they decided to approach it the way they know Dahyun would be comfortable in. If Dahyun resorted to just texting them, then talking through texts it is.

_Sana unnie im sorry I missed your call_

_Im not busy now its ok if u wanna call again_

               

                                                                _Dahyunnie this is Momo unnie_

_Sana dn I wanted to talk to youu_

_alone_

_And I dont think we will be able to here_ _on text_

_is it okay if we meet at Sana’s?_

 

After sending the last text, Momo enveloped Sana’s phone with both of her hands while Sana enveloped Momo’s hands with hers. Every second that passed by is torture. But the moment the phone chimed and vibrated in Momo’s hands, they were rewarded greatly for their patience.

                                                                          

_Dahyunnie this is Momo unnie_

_Sana dn I wanted to talk to youu_

_alone_

_And I dont think we will be able to here_ _on text_

_is it okay if we meet at Sana’s?_

 

_ok. Meet you there in 5mins_

 

 

 Everything happened in a flash. The moment Sana and Momo read Dahyun’s text they quickly gathered their things and went out of the café as fast as they can. They wanted to be there before Dahyun comes so they ran all the way to Sana’s house. Momo was holding Sana’s hands almost pulling her, but still careful enough to not let her trip. She pulls Sana because she so knows that halfway, Sana will be too tired to hurry and will want to just walk and Momo will definitely not let that happen. Sana on the other hand is just happy to be pulled away so long as she can hold Momo’s hands.

A short amount of time felt to the two of them as if they were waiting for eternity. They went inside Sana’s house and settled on the couches of the spacious living area to at least catch their breaths. But as their hearts went back to their normal rates, and as minutes pass and there is still no ring from Sana’s doorbell, they grew antsy and impatient. Momo sat on the sofa for a little while to rest but kept on standing up as if doing so will make Dahyun magically appear on Sana’s doorstep. Sana, after hydrating and resting for a bit, did not even get to stay seated for long. She stood by the doorway, on alert to open the door the moment the doorbell sounds its first rings. After a little while though, Sana was startled not by the doorbell but a short yet loud laugh coming from where Momo is. “We waited so patiently every day for anything, any word to come from Dahyun. And now that she’s literally coming to us we can’t even wait a single second. We honestly look crazy.”  

As Sana realize the current scenario they’re in, she started to lean on the wall beside the door, suddenly feeling a bit tired (but still very excited), and it made her laugh as well. She then left her post by the door and went to where Momo is, which she’s glad she did because she was welcomed by Momo’s arms and they both let themselves fall on the couch. If Dahyun said that she’ll be there with them, then Sana and Momo will wait as patiently as they can, and as calmly as they can. They have to because they cannot fuck this up. They have all the time in the world anyway, and whatever decisions they all come with, Sana and Momo will wait and they will still love Dahyun in whatever way she wanted to be loved.

Dahyun combed her hair after changing into one of her good shirts. She’s procrastinating and she knows it. She’s nervous, and excited at the same time. She hasn’t seen her unnies for so long and the huge want to just envelope herself with them is strong in her, but so is the thought of being a let-down and a disappointment. Even though deep inside she knows that her unnies are probably missing her just as much, she can’t help but feel responsible for turning things into shit. But that responsibility also motivates her to stop procrastinating and to move and go to where her unnies are so she could make things right. Make things right for them, and to makes things right for her feelings.

The walk towards Sana’s house isn’t particularly long. She has walked there countless times and she knows that in less than five minutes, she’ll arrive in front of the Minatozaki’s. But her legs feel numb. It’s as if she’s walking on a quicksand and she’s sinking into it with every step. But still she walks. She might be feeling the most nervous she’s been her entire life, and her anxiety might be all that’s inside her but the feeling of warmth and happiness that she knows she will experience the moment she sees her unnies pushes her to continue, and even make her pace a little bit faster. People say that a pot of gold is in every end of a rainbow, and she doesn’t know if it’s true or not, but right now, just thinking of her unnies feels to her that that statement might be true. Dahyun is walking in her own rainbow, and she’s on her way to claim her precious treasures.

 

The minute Dahyun rang the doorbell, how calmly Sana opened the door for her, and how still everything seemed when she went in, felt too normal for something like a long awaited reunion. It’s as if it’s just their normal hang out day, and not a supposed conclusion to their ambivalent situation. The three had different expectations—a dramatic sobbing reunion, shouts of frustration and disappointment thrown to each other, or even a worst case scenario where Dahyun says good bye to the both of them. But never this awkward silence where Dahyun isn’t moving from where she is in front of the doorway, looking at where Momo is by the sofa, while Sana was just by the door, waiting for her to move forward. It was just the last time the two eldest caught Dahyun staring at them, and Dahyun seemed like a stray kitten that will run away anytime she sees them. Sana looked at Dahyun and felt a bit glad, despite her stoical stance, because at least she’s not totally being indifferent. And she’s confident enough to think that Dahyun won’t run away anymore. She’s in her house now, and that in itself is confirmation enough that Dahyun is willing to talk and listen, and will not run away from anything anymore. She sees this as a go sign to get close to her to lead her to the sofa.

Sana held Dahyun’s hands so that they can go to where Momo is in the living area. The contact made Dahyun look to where Sana is, and the contact made Sana turn on her protective side because Dahyun’s hands are trembling. Sana didn’t want to rush her but the desire to just comfort her and assure her that everything’s okay, surged a feeling in her that instead of pulling her to where Momo is, she just then hugged Dahyun right then and there. She let go of Dahyun for a bit to look at Momo to telepathically urge her to come to them instead because of Dahyun’s anxiety. They’ve experienced this side of Dahyun before where she’s unmoving and seemed focused on something, but what’s really happening is that hundreds of thoughts that trigger her anxiety is running through her brain in a really fast pace. Sana’s heart hurts so much at the thought, and hated herself for not noticing it sooner. But she’s here now and she’s willing to do anything to make Dahyun feel alright. She and Momo will do anything to make Dahyun feel okay.

The moment Momo reached them and wrap her arms around them felt like broken pieces in her that she did not even know that belongs to her were put together, and now that she has all her pieces, all she wanted to do was to literally compress everything in her being so she won’t have to lose them anymore. And that’s what Dahyun did. The moment Sana and Momo sandwiched her into a hug, it made her hold onto them like dear life. And that’s when all her feelings let lose. It started as short heavy breaths, and then tears fill her eyes spilling into the expanse of her cheeks. Once the feelings got lose it just eventually evolved whiny sobs, which made her unnies detach themselves for a while to let her breathe properly and for her to spill everything out. She cried like she’s never cried before until it made her squat on the floor, overwhelmed by the feelings she’s letting out for the first time in weeks.

She’s now on the floor and her unnies sat there with her, the three of them letting themselves comfortable. Her unnies pet Dahyun’s hair and wipe her tears every now and then, as if to remind her that they’re there and are never leaving. No words were said, and Dahyun is thankful because all she wanted more than anything right now is her unnies’ warmth. More than a few minutes has past and Dahyun felt better now, and can breathe properly now. She looked at her unnies and their caring faces directed at her makes her want to just cuddle with them on the floor and not move a single inch (until maybe the time they have to go to school). But she went there to talk things out. A cuddle could be the best thing right now, but words are needed to be said eventually.

“I’m so, so, so sorry for everything.” Dahyun started her apology looking at something on the floor, but became conscious that it will not be right to do, so before she finished, she look at them straight in their eyes. “I’m sorry I ran away from you and that it took me so long to come back.” She said that while looking at them but when the feeling of guilt became too much she ended up looking on the floor again.

Sana shook her head as she hugged Dahyun again, as if to tell her that nothing is her fault. “It’s not your fault Dahyun-ah. If we hadn’t pushed you away… We also have a fault in this. We should have supported you, and your relationship no matter what.” Momo admitted, looking at the two of them so dearly, as she petted Dahyun’s hair soothing and assuring her that everything’s ok.

Dahyun looked like she was about to cry again, but she was able to prevent herself the moment Momo joined them, and instead focused on the feeling of both of her unnies’ hugs. She then buried her face on her unnie’s shoulder, her nerves getting the best out of her. Despite that she let herself continue, letting her feelings take her over. “I’m still at fault. If I only stayed true to my feelings then things won’t turn to shit in the first place.” Her apologetic voice was muffled, but is still clear enough for her unnies to hear. “I didn’t like Eunwoo oppa in the first place. I mean I like him, but not enough to be in a relationship with him.” Dahyun admitted after untangling herself from her unnies. “We both knew that, but we got so pressured. It didn’t have to come to a point like this but it did. I’m really, really sorry.”

Momo looked pensive at first, Dahyun’s words sinking late in her. But when it did she looked at Dahyun surprised at what she just said. Her breath hitched, and she’s feeling her heart’s joy like it wants to jump out of her ribcage. A break up, however it ended, shouldn’t be a cause of celebration in her heart, but it just did anyway. “Wait… So you broke up?” She heard Sana speak, and it surprised her for a bit because she thought she just heard her thoughts out loud. (Momo cannot believe how convenient things are getting. At the same time, at the back of her mind, she cannot fathom how much connection she has with the two of them to be even thinking about the same things. She believes now more than ever, that the three of them are meant to be together.)

Sana focused on Dahyun’s face as she answers her question. She’s looking for traces of regret, or hint of sadness about the break up. But all she saw was a small, shy smirk and an expectant look towards them.  Then she sniffles, which then turned her face turned into a tired one; the tired face you have when you just sobbed so hard. She looked like a kid all of a sudden, and Sana is filled yet again with so much admiration. As if she’s not already filled to the brim with love for Dahyun. Sana reached to the side for Momo’s hand to hold to, to stop herself from just jumping into Dahyun and profess both their undying love for her. But she doesn’t like that. This isn’t some TV drama where everything just comes together and then poof, happily ever after. This is different, and new to the three of them. If she’s being honest, even if she’s already together with them, she still have some doubts and questions in her brain on how she’ll have to deal with her feelings, and Momo’s, and possibly Dahyun’s. There are a lot of possibilities that can happen, so she thinks it’s best if they take things one step at a time. _I will not fuck this up, again._

Sana held Dahyun’s hand with her other free hand. She wanted to makes sure things are alright, first. “Are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?”

Dahyun shook her head. “There’s nothing to talk about, really. We understood the situation and we broke up in good terms. Plus I don’t really feel like talking about him. I feel like there’s much more _we_ should talk about.”

“Are you sure? Like sure, sure?” Sana asked her again, and she was answered with two sures as well.

“I really think we should be talking about something else now, unnie.” Dahyun looked at Sana and Momo seriously, already impatient and definitely ready to talk about something else.

“Okay. Alright. But oh…” Sana looked around them, as if noticing for the first time that they’re still sitting on the floor of the living room. “Don’t you think we should take this conversation somewhere else?” Sana’s voice was a bit shaky, and the combination of a fake laughter was just enough proof to both Dahyun and Momo that Sana was nervous.

“You’re delaying Sana-chan. How- Why are even delaying this?” Momo rolled her eyes at the other japanese girl.

“I don’t know. I just… I don’t want to fuck this up.” Sana, wanting to avoid Dahyun’s confused looks at them, looked at Momo’s side to answer her right in her face. “We never really talked about this yet you know.” She looked at their hands tangled together, then at Momo’s face again, which was looking at her apologetically.

Momo was understanding just now where Sana is coming from. Being the one who mostly handles the three of them most of the time, and after what happened at the bleachers, she understands that Sana was just being careful and mindful of what each of them want and need. It was really actually the first time that they had a messy “conflict” and even Momo doesn’t want that to happen again. But will they ever know what each other’s want if they don’t talk about this? About them? Momo does not know what will happen to them from then on, but what she knows is what they should be doing is talking, and not guessing what each other is feeling.

Momo lifted the hand that was holding Sana’s hand and moved it to her mouth to kiss Sana’s hand. “We have to talk about this, Sana.” She then looked at Dahyun. Her face serious, albeit her eyes are blinking a bit fast, possibly puzzled to her unnies’ back and forth. “If Dahyun said she’s want to talk about us then now is the good start. I won’t last a day not talking about us anymore, not with all the things that happened.” Momo continued full of conviction with every word. Momo is not sure of a lot of things and a lot of things could change after her confession, but the only thing that remains constant in her is her feelings with the two most beautiful people in her life, and she’s not about to pass on the moment to tell them how she feels.

 “I really love the both of you. I really, really do. More than how best friends love each other. I’ve loved you probably ever since I started dancing.” Momo is full of confidence, as she always does, but she’s never good with words so she settled with going straight to the point. She knows if she tried to use flowery, romantic words her feelings won’t translate properly.  She’s looking at both of their faces, and she’s feeling a surge of feelings, but now, with much more clarity. All she’s want to do is to express in words what her heart is feeling, and hopes to the universe that she could pass her feelings across as clear as her feelings are.  “I know it probably sounds insane, even I’m still confused about it. But one thing is clear to me. My life wouldn’t be complete without the two of you. It sounds really greedy but what my heart knows is that it won’t be complete if not for the both of you.” All these time while confessing her feelings, she’s looking at them full of conviction to prove that she’s serious despite the occasional voicing of doubts. But as she finish her confession, that’s the time where the spark of confidence in her eyes die, and although her posture is still straight, her focus isn’t with Sana and Dahyun’s face anymore. For the first time since the three of them met, she’s feeling scared. “That’s just me though. Of course I would still accept anything, any answer you give me, and I will still love you with all my heart no matter what.”

Momo sighed loud and long, and just as she was about to settle on the normal rhythm of her breathing, she was being hugged by Dahyun. It was tight at her ribs at first, but as the younger girl fits her face on the nook of her neck, she feels her arms loosen and settle on her waist (and then felt a breathy ‘thank you’ that made her close her eyes tight to stop herself form feeling ticklish). Sana then laid her head on her other shoulder, and it’s her turn to be kissed on the hand that’s still entangled onto hers. Right now all she can do was thank the whole universe because if this was what she got in exchange for being brave, then she will be brave for her two girls all the time and tell them what she feels about them all the time.

Dahyun doesn’t let go of her unnie. She actually would like to settle on the fact that her Momo unnie thinks that she’s hugging her because of her confession, but it actually isn’t it. She is being selfish, that’s why. She’s hugging her Momo unnie because she wanted to absorb any bravery that’s left in her so that she could also use it for herself. But brave is really isn’t what she needed, she knows. She just wants to be selfish. Because selfish is what she needs to be if she wanted to be with her unnies without the feeling of guilt that stopped her from being with them in the first place.

Dahyun removed her face (reluctantly) from the nook of her unnie’s neck, and settled her chin on her shoulder instead, but she won’t let go. _If only I’m big enough to hug the both of them._ And she smiles because it’s the first time that a selfish thought comes to her mind, and it’s a step. But a single step isn’t enough. “Do you know why I ran away from you guys from the bleachers?” she voiced out, although her brain still echoes “be selfish” because she needed this.

Her continuous chant was put to a halt by the sudden appearance of Sana’s face in front of her, so close that it made her stop from thinking and breathing altogether. She went from seating beside Momo to sitting behind her so close, that her legs are on Momo’s side. They probably look so ridiculous right now, Dahyun in front of Momo in a hug and Sana behind Momo (a Momo sandwich), and she laughed at the thought but the fake angry face her unnie does in front of her, demanding her to continue made her purse her lips instead, and maybe she doesn’t need to chant because both of them are with her and everything’s going to be okay.  

“I ran away because I got scared. I got hit with so much feelings for the both of you for the first time and it felt so fresh and heavy so I pushed you away. Things were too complicated. I’m really so sorry I did that.” The feeling in her heart is still definitely there, and is still strong, especially now. But it does not make her feel scared anymore. Her Momo unnie just validated her feelings and now, instead of panic and negative thoughts, she’s filled with calm and happiness that’s her usual default feelings when she’s with her unnies.

“I wish I was as brave as you Momo unnie. And seriously, thank you so much.” A tight hug, and now it’s her unnie’s turn to hide her face into her neck. “I love you. I love you two. More than my life.” It made her smile because it’s the first time she’s said something so ridiculous, and yet she’s willing to say it again and again because that’s how she truly fucking feels. “I don’t think I’ve ever loved anyone… Other people more than my life and right now I don’t see myself loving any other people. I love you so much my heart wants to burst.” She can feel the tears pooling in her eyes. And so is a smile in her face. Her Sana unnie then wiped her tears with her thumb, and then a kiss. A kiss to her cheek replaced the thumb wiping her cheeks, and it should feel like how it did months, years ago when they were still considered friends, but right now she knows it’s different.  She then looked at her Sana kiss the crown of Momo’s head, and the feeling in her heart grows even more.

Sana stood up after peppering her girlfriends with her sweet kisses. Her legs are tired, and so is her back. She stretches, and as she does she felt her stomach grumble. She was about to invite her girlfriends to pull them up so they can stand, and then maybe eat, but instead she was met by cute, angry and pouty children who is looking at her like she did them wrong. She squatted so fast to ask them what they want but right now she’s dealing not with her girlfriends, but with toddlers, so she was just being stared at by pouty faces  (that she wanted to kiss so bad) instead of getting any answers. “What??”

“Aren’t you gonna say something?” Momo said as Dahyun encircle her arm at the older girl’s waist. She has to hide her face in her arms at the cute skinship her girlfriends are displaying before her to keep her from squealing her feels out because dealing with them is serious business. Not that it was any help though, because when she faced them again she can’t help but smile giddily at them. She then scooted closer to the two of them to give them both a kiss on the lips. A smile of triumph filled her face because her girlfriends are now back to their usual selves (Momo  was shocked for a bit but was now mirroring her smile feeling satisfied; while Dahyun covered her face which is probably beet red by now), and because she just wins at (love)life in general.

“I thought my kisses a while ago were enough? I didn’t know you two wanted something more.” She smirked at them, and then stood up, and stretched her hands to them so she could pull her girlfriends up to stand. And as she did, as if a secret understanding was done, both grabbed her hands even though Dahyun still has a pout after standing, possibly because of the cliff hanger that is Sana’s confession. This time Sana isn’t the only one to kiss her pout away. Momo did it first after exclaiming that pouts in their relationship are exclusive for kissing. Sana returned the smile Momo directed at her, and then kissed Dahyun once again. “It is Dahyunnie. And don’t worry I’m not delaying this time. We have all the time in the world. And I will tell you and Momo how much I love the two of you and how much you mean to me all the time everyday, don’t worry. But right now it’s time to feed my babies!”

Everything came to place, and everything went easy. They ate ramyun (as one does after a lengthy, feely conversation), and as Sana was taking care of her girlfriends, as usual, it’s then that she spilled the moment that she finally realized her love for the both of them. She felt at ease, and her heart felt full at the sight of the three of them being together again, of them being together at last.

 They talk about Jeongyeon’s relationship, the things she learned about open relationship and polyamory, and what they should do and not do. Conversation flowed just like how it did before and even more so now because there is no more hiding. They are now true to themselves, and Sana feels so high from happiness, and also full from brothy, salty goodness, that all she wanted right now was to lie down and cuddle and to be as close to her girlfriends as humanly as possible. But right now, as with any relationship and most especially in a polyamorous one, communication is important.

As much as she want to just leave things hanging and not care about so much about anything but her girlfriends, there is still that obvious fact that they are three girls that agreed to date each other. And that’s not exactly how the norm and the society dictate. She would love to just throw caution away and live her life with the two most important people in her life without caring about the shitty society and the shitty people in it, but since they live in it, she cannot let anyone ruin this beautiful thing that the three of them has. She cares for them and their feelings more, so she has to be strict about herself about this. She loves them too much to not do this.

Her nagging thoughts were cut abruptly by a hug on her side. “Thank you so much unnie.” Then a kiss on her cheek.  She looked at Dahyun surprised at the initiated skinship, and all she could do is smile at the younger girl. Then all of a sudden Momo is coming towards them from the other side of the kitchen island, hugging her other side (now a Sana sandwich). “You don’t have to think and do things on your own anymore you know that?” And now it’s her turn to turn shy. She should be surprised at how connected they are, thoughts and all, but all she can think of was how much good it feels to be with Momo and Dahyun that all she could do was lean her head on Momo’s chest and listen to her heartbeat, as if she’s listening to her own.

 _We have all the time in the world._ It was the only thing that occupies her mind at the moment. And she’d been correct. They could all talk and plan all they want, together. But right now, this is what the three of them needed. Sana didn’t have to think so much of how their relationship’s dynamic is going to be, or have to crave about Momo’s and Dahyun’s touch anymore because she’s now full of it, and she’s not even complaining. After cleaning up their dinner (they are all domestic-y and shit and heck Sana wished she recorded the moment) and ~~lecturing~~ talking to them about telling their parents that they’re gonna spend the night here as per usual, as if on cue, they all went straight to her room, and all of a sudden she’s now in a tangle of arms, legs, and blankets. She thanked all the gods that her parents are in someplace else because, one: she can solo her girlfriends tonight, and two: because her parents might be chill and open-minded most of the time but they might not be open-minded enough for their relationship. But she doesn’t have to deal with them for now so she enveloped the thought in her head, and focused on her blessing that is her girlfriends.

 

They have all the time in the world.  The three of them thought as they talk about their past, their present, and their future. There will be time for them to plan on their relationship. Time for them to deal with things, _together._

They have all the time in the world. They thought as they cuddle on Sana’s bed, fitting in each other like pieces in a perfect puzzle. There will be more time for them to cuddle some more—in each other’s beds, in Momo’s car, or in someplace only the three of them would know.

They have all the time in the world. They think so, as they exchange both shy and confident kisses. They will have all the time in the world to kiss each other’s lips, and although they are contented with small pecks that they do now, they know they’ll have all the time to kiss each other deeper, learn each other’s mouths better. And however it may be it will feel as good as the first.

They’ll have all the time to explore each other’s bodies, in every way, and any way they want. They have all the time to explore each other’s bodies as they do now, hands caressing bodies, skin touches on skin. And it will be more skin from then on, but right now, they take things slow.

Because they have all the time in the world to love each other, and right now, as they lull into slumber, having them in each other’s arms is enough.


End file.
